Tuesday, 14 August 2012

My reply to a Nigerian 419 scammer


(hitting “reply” reveals -  mrsem.68brw@live.com, a strangely different email address)
Subject: Best regards
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:32:36 -0700

Dear Friend

I am Mrs. Emelia Brown, I am 68 years old born in U.S.A, and I am suffering from a long time cancer of the Lungs which also had affected my entire well being, from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating. According to my doctors they have advised me that I may not live for the next two months, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad level.

I was brought up from an orphanage home, was married to my late husband for twenty years and we lived in London until my husband died in a fatal motor accident in London. Since his death I decided not to re-marry, I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the money with a bank in London. Presently, this money is still with the bank and I have not operated the account for a long time due to my illness.

Presently, I'm with a laptop in my hospital room, where I have been under going treatment for cancer in the lungs for over one year. Recently, doctors told me that I have only a few months to live so I quickly made up mind positively concerning my money. My mind ministered to me to share this inheritance with the orphans in orphanage homes and people that need money for survival.

It is my last wish to see that some percentage (70%) will be distribute among the charity organizations, the poor and orphans in orphanage homes where I came from and some percentage (20%) for devoted individual (you) that will utilize this money the way I wish and (10%) will be use to settle expenses (IF ANY) incurred in the cause of transfer . I took this decision because my time will soon be over and I do not want the bank to inherit the money if I eventually die.

I want you to honestly accept my decision and send me the following details to enable me instruct my bank to process all my money valued Ј3.5 million GBP and transfer to you as my beneficiary. As soon as I receive your reply and the details, I will issue a letter of authority to my bank which will empowers you as the beneficiary of my money, in as much as you give me assurance that you will do my last wish.

 Your Full Name..................
 Phone Number..................

Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Emelia Brown


REPLY TO HE FRAUDSTER (to waste their time and let Hotmail try to trace them, not that  believe for one moment they even try!)
Dear Mrs Brown

Firstly, are you the Mrs Brown with a popular comedy programme on the BBC television? If so, would you mind sending me an autographed photograph for my grandchildren. We all love the programme! If not, I apologise, and regret there will therefore be no necessity for you to send me a photograph. Unless you’d care to send one, and I will of course graciously accept it.

Thank you for your notification. Apologies, I was not too sure which email address should be replied to, as I am not good at this email thing. What confused us all here was that you sent your communication from one email address, yet need a reply to a totally different one. I do not understand why this is this. Here in the UK, we all use one email address each, and that's it! Well, this would be except for one of our more colourful politicians in the Government, Eric Pickles, who you may have seen filling the screen in the TV news. He is rather obese (not yet clinical, I am relieved to report!), and because of his largesse, he requires two email addresses.

This is a most exciting proposition of yours, and one which I would be delighted to take part in. I also have many millions of pounds to give away, but I tend to try and disburse my funds to local charities. So I am therefore delighted to have the opportunity of topping up my millions through you, so I can give more away to those who need it. I hope you don't mind that I earmark your funds for charity.

I, Senior Engineer Ed Moss (now retired, ever since I stopped working), propose to send you copies of my United Federation passport as evidence of my ID as you have requested. I will also send full details relating to my Cushmirtochas Gold bank account - it is a special UK bank for those with special needs, and as someone who currently has to take AntiBNP drugs, as well the anti-inflammatory drug G-Gallowase-NILRES-PECT for my rampant legs, I am sure you will appreciate this. Unfortunately these AntiBNP's and the Gallowase raise the blood pressure most of the time.

There was a time when I could fettle my sockets and splurge my own scrunge without assistance, but now I need help with most things. Frustrating, I am sure you will agree, especially when I was able to do all these things previously without either assistance or a safety net.

However, in order to progress this, you will have to FedEx or Western Union me £30 (we use Sterling GB Pounds here in the UK) to permit me to scan in the details you require into my computer. Unfortunately, as a veteran of three Federation wars, I can't use a computer, so have to pay someone to come in and use it and maintain it for me as well as input the details you require and to go to the bank for me - as I mentioned, I have a severe immobility, not to mention a disability (please, I requested that you do not mention my disability).

I have already paid them £20 to write this message to you.

The FedEx or Western Union you arrange should be payable to my very helpful neighbour whose name is St Gemmas Hospice (she is a sister to the very famous anthropologist St Michael Hospice, who was ennobled by Her Majesty the Queen, Elizabeth II [forgive me as I stand up and salute Her Gracious Majesty for a moment], bless her Royal Highness, in 2009).

I am very upset to hear you are nearly dead. These things do happen. I saw a lot of death and other things (especially very bad driving habits in Africa, Italy and Barnsley) during my time with the Federation. I am only thankful that I only maintained the engines and warp-drives of the Federation craft and was not responsible for shooting anyone, either fatally, or with a gun.

Thank you for getting in touch. You sound like a real brave, Wonder Woman and I can but wish you all the best as you slowly die. It can't be easy being nearly dead, and I fully appreciate this, as some of my oldest friends from the federation are either dead or nearly dead themselves. My heart goes out to you, even though I am on blood pressure tablets because of my other medication, so you will further appreciate that I can't let my heart go too far out to you.

Yours faithfully, still fitfully and thankfully not fatfully
Ed Moss (Eng Rtd)

PS I have not submitted a PS to this letter, as I really hate people who put a PS at the end of their communications.

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