Saturday, 23 January 2016

I could tell it would go downhill . . .

Having not done too much exercise since New Year start, and with one of Europe's largest intra-urban parks a mere four minutes away from my front door, I thought, with the lovely mild, dry weather, a brisk walk was in order today.

As one used to sharing a seat on the tram with the tram lunatic, little did I realise that today I would pick up the park lunatic. I took off my jacket to inspect the back of it, and there certainly wasn't an "I welcome walking with the park lunatic" notice attached.

How I assessed the lunacy of my sudden accompanier, was when he sidled up to me and said "Hello" in the manner of  Philip Green ( from "Britain's Got Talent". I knew in my bones I was in for a memorable walk.

Without much further ado, he was straight in with "People say I look like Rhett Butler. What do you think?" Personally, I think John Prescott looks more like Rhett Butler than he did. I was tempted to ask whether it was the Clark Gable, Charlie Sheen or Justin Chambers portrayal of Rhett, but thought, hey, hold the 99 ice-cream for a moment here, Rhett Butler ain't for real!

Next, as we passed by the 'lake' in the park. Rhett started chatting about what it might be like to swim there this time of year. Panic setting in. Was this idiot going to try. And he perhaps not being able to swim himself, would it be left to me to go chasing in after him? Help!

But thankfully, we passed the lake without a potential drowning incident.

Next, Rhett stop dead in his tracks. I kept on waling thinking "hey, I'm going to lose him". But no. He shouts at me "Hey friend!" (I'm NOT his friend by the way). "Will you help me keep an eye on this woman and her dog? I want to make sure she cleans up any sh*t from the mutt!! Oh gawd. Was there a hole I could creep into? The elderly lady with her Yorkie is looking around thinking I'm this lunatic's friend! I mouth to her and wave my hand with a negative gesture - 'not with him'. I think she has got the message. At least I hope she has got the message.

We continue walking. I didn't want to. But we continue walking. Next to attract his attention is a group of traditionally dressed Muslim women and their children enjoying what all people enjoy best in a large municipal park on a mild day. Ice cream. He stops and looks. I continue walking. He just stands there looking at them. But hey, 100metres, 150metres, I'm getting away! So I step up my step-up speed. I'm free.

"Hey, whatdya think of those women. Dressed like a (I have edited out the "popular" terrorist group he referred to) day out." He's back. Here I was tempted to explain the freedoms of sitting in a park, but thought, "no". Bite your tongue on this occasion. I hated letting him away with racism, and as it was just as an aside to me (not the point though) I had to let it go, because I knew nothing about this lunatic, and he could easily have produced a knife. Or gone off on a bender on some description.

So I took a gamble based on his strange walking gait and said. "Look my friend (spitting inwardly) . Wonderful talking with you (spitting inwardly) and nice meeting you (spitting inwardly), but I'd better get my run going."

Off I went at a light canter. He didn't follow. And didn't seemed concerned that as a jogger, I was dressed in jeans and walking shoes.

Sunday, 10 January 2016

EEC gravy train NOT threatened

Right, so if the UK leaves the EEC, it would appear that, amongst other things:

1. The 70-odd (some very!) UK MEP's and their entourage of expense-collecting mandarins and hangers-on will continue, business as usual and uninterrupred for many years lining their pockets, with the 70-odd potentially able to vote on things of absolutely no consequence to the average now non-EEC UK national.

2. The UK resident who has exhausted many other legal avenues and seeks justice from the European Court as a last rersort will now have to whistle. At least this changes the status of Morecambe, which up to now has very much been the last resort.

3. Many consultants from companies such as the ususal suspects KMPG, Deliottes etc will die in the stampede to join the gravy train charging £2,000 or more a day for consultancy services on existing trade agreements that will all become null and void when we leave the EEC.

Meanwhile, while the consultants fight to the death to get to their bank accounts, on the other hand, and as an example, businessman Arse Wenger, who has up to now had no trouble flogging his hemharroid cream to Italy, will suddenly find his product, which he relies on via export to Europe, falls into a category of product where a trade agreement no longer exists. 

So he will have to bugger around at great expense through his local Chamber of Commerce, paying Carnet and other fees, in order to ensure his business continues. All of which will put the price of his product up, delay it arriving at his Italian customers and ultimately put his business at risk.

4. Passport control? Visas? Right to work? A total car crash.

Wonderful. Always the little ones who will ultimately suffer.