Skip to main content

It's pronounced "Gateaux". So then it must be bolleaux as well!

The hip and with-it rubbish is expanding at a rate of knots. Exponentially in relation to a lack of understanding in some cases.

Newsreaders tell us what's "trending" at the moment.

Exactly. What IS trending? Aside from being a load of old "bolleaux" and a fancy, world wide web way of saying "what style-less fashion of the moment people are falling for".

If you're especially worried, they'll tell you to "hashtag", whatever the hell that means. #. There. I've hashtagged!

Piers Morgan, the former editor of the Daily Mirror, and now for some reason is as equally qualified as a 22-year old singer is to dictate who has or hasn't singing talent in a nationwide talent contest. Meanwhile, what they don't tell us, is that the talent contest is solely designed to make Simon Cowell even more wealthy.

Piers is busy twittering on about football, as if anyone really cares. 24 hours a day it seems. Talking a load of bolleaux that we mere mortals haven't a clue about.

And apparently the singer girl is perceived as sensible enough to judge talent, but not sensible enough to set an example to youngsters, with her stupid tattoos that will look great when she's sitting in the old-aged home trying to remember what sort of pot to tinkle in.

Then there's Facebook.

Pleading with users to "help friends who only have 24 friends".

Sounds to me like it's mirroring Mark Zuckerberg, who probably only has 24 friends himself now that his shares have collapsed and it was revealed that 83 million Facebook accounts are fake. And people can't stand the new timeline system that has been imposed on them by Facebook. Fair enough, users who don't pay shouldn't expect to have a vested interest in how Facebook looks, so perhaps they should suffer the timeline in silence. But it really is appalling, causing users to have to look over their shoulders all the time to see what information they are unwittingly revealing.

And changing email contact to a Facebook email address by default without telling people. That's downright insidious, free user or not.

I don't want a Facebook email address, and to judge by the take-up, neither do countless millions of others!

Then there's a continual big push to buy Virus software packages from both the PC chains and when you download any free Adobe product. Sorry mates, I love my free Avast! anti-virus system - it catches absolutely everything, updates itself twice a day and never seems to blob. (Being bi-partisan I better add that "other free anti-virus systems may be available" .........  BUT sod it...... in my humble opinion you can't beat Avast!).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The "Win a Million" free scratch card newspaper inserts

One of those three-panel "Win a Million" scratchcards fell out of my newspaper this morning. Not a major or in anyway newsworthy event in itself, but I must admit my surprise. I didn't think anyone bothered with them anymore, or, to be a little more technical, I didn't think anyone was taken in by them anymore. Firstly, it actually is printed on the bottom of each panel that "Every card has a set of 3 matching symbols, 2 matching symbols and no matching symbols". Right, so you are going to 'win', half-win and not win respectively. Then, while the prize list is somewhat impressive with 1x£1m, 1x£100k, 2x£20k, 3x£10k and other things like holidays, tablet PC's city breaks all the way down to 1000 "faux" fashion watches, 1000 salon  makeovers and 1000xVIP Thames cruises. Now should I be stupid enough to spend the £1.53 a minute for the 6 minute phone call to claim my prize (that's almost a tenner, for those of you without cal...

Chancellor's letter of apology to Bob Diamond of Barclays

Thanks to my contacts at the new News International business "Phonetaps'R'Us", I was exclusively sent a copy of a letter sent to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, Bob Diamond, from the Chancellor yesterday. "Dear Bob Trusting you and yours are well. Listen mate. Sorry the F inancially S tupid A sses wrote to your bank yesterday to demand £290million as a fine. It's nothing personal, and just because your bank head office people are a bunch of dishonest, thieving bastards, I thought there was no reason to carry on that way and fine you. I made this clear to the FSA yesterday as soon as I heard the news. I told them that the taxpayer would have been more than happy to bail you out. And also. Look mate. Sorry you've had to give up your bonus this year. It must have come as quite a shock, and was a wonderful thing for you to volunteer to do. I only hope you've put something by from the £17million you received last year. No doubt the bank pay...

"Q". My name is Bond. Oh. not THAT Q.

I was sent a story today by a friend who knows my feelings on the subject - that is, about one of the consummately greatest of all British activities, namely, queuing. It seems some Danish Professor or other has come up with the theory that those who queue the longest should actually be served the last. He claims it makes purchasing something altogether more efficient and smooth through the idea of 'contra-queuing' (whatever the devil that may mean). 'Serve the people at the back of the queue first', he says, with profound wisdom. Altogether very professorial, albeit demonstrating a somewhat keen lack of understanding of the purchasing psyche. The Nobel Prize-chasing Prof suggests that if, for example, a popular entertainment act was to announce a tour, with tickets going on sale at 11am one morning, using the theory of 'contra-queuing', no one will want to be first to buy said tickets. So no one will turn up 14 months in advance and venues will...