The Grumpy Old Blog

I love when TV interviews people who go to party political conferences. These people fall into three basic categories: a. Someone who has been elected to something in their party b. Someone who wants to be elected to something in their party c. Someone who is out on institutional day-release to attend the conference 1. The Conservative supporter is inevitably a Jacob Rees Mogg clone, in a four, or even five-piece suit, sounding either like Jacob or otherwise sounding like a Gloucestershire country bumpkin who inevitably needs plugging into a slow-speed charger following the interview. 2. The Labour supporter, usually looking like Dave Spart from Private Eye, has great difficulty in pronouncing basic English words. They use “basically” and “essentially” before each sentence, include a “literally” in the middle, and will happily declare Barbara Castle from the Harold Wilson years as the finest Transport Minister who ever was. This, despite the fact that while she was in real life q...

Just back from performing my civic duty, although I was quite upset to see no Monster Raving Loony Party candidates on the ballot. As you can see from the photo, it didn't get off to a spectacularly good start at the polling station. Presumably, it was a helpful prospective local councillor covering all angles . . . or entrances/exits (there was only one, and that was to the left). Managed to pick up the local pedestrian, as opposed to bus, lunatic on the way. Like a fool, when he asked where I was going, I said "to vote", to which he replied "so am I pal, I'll walk with you". He was full of enlightening and vital information, or as it might otherwise be more correctly termed, conspiracy theories. It was a wonderful list. Unusually for me I just nodded and let him get on with it. The breadth of his knowledge on current affairs was fantastic, albeit in a very Captain Fantastic and the Dirt Brown Cowboy sort of fashion. How people reach such incredible heigh...

Well. 52% of the population were happy to be sold a car they didn't need by salesmen who knew nothing about it (Farage and Bozza), and despite the fact the 52% were told and accepted it was the ideal family car, they have since found out nearly three years down the line that not only does it do only 13 mpg, but it can accommodate only the driver and one passenger, has no boot space, spare tyres cost £600 each, it needs an oil change every 500 miles and servicing every 2,000 miles by the one specialist service shop in the UK 230 miles from their home.  And on top of that, businesses having nothing to do with the car, in fact not even in the automotive sector, are going to make a fortune out of it because so many of the parts that have absolutely nothing to do with the car, but will be used as an excuse to make money, will be "in short supply", "stuck in customs" or attract the soon to be introduced BAT (Brexit Added Tax). Meanwhile Infiniti, th...

Retail DFS will buck the new year trend for sales by not having a sale at any time during 2016. Instead, they will just maintain their normal retail pricing structure of 50% off everything. Christmas 2016 decorations, selection boxes and mince pies will go on sale in all the supermarkets from January. The Friday of every week will be designated a special sale day by the marketing people - Grey Friday, Techno Friday, Lunatic Friday etc Education Christian Faith Schools in Birmingham will announce that their new school uniform dress code will consist of a nun's habit for both male and female students alike. The nun in question will be livid. The Nation Union of Students will announce that anyone with an IQ higher than 40 will not be allowed to join Politics Donald Trump invades the Isle of Man. Dublin builds a wall around the city to keep residents in. Michael Foot returns from the afterlife to lead the Labour Party and immediately helps it shoot up seven poi...