The Grumpy Old Blog

January The new 2 nd January “ Shove the unwanted crap you received as presents for Christmas on eBay Day ” proves very successful Easter eggs go on sale in supermarkets, many left over from last year with a best-before date of 15 March 2029 Jeremy Corbyn announces he is to be the leader of the newly formed “ Lederhosen Party ” and aims to attract people who are there but who don’t think they are involved A contestant on a quiz show shocks the nation by naming a past winner of “ The Voice ” Amazon announce a raft of virtual reality wage increases for staff President Trump makes it illegal for anyone to refer to a fart as a “ trump ” The great DFS sale begins February David Lammy is announced as the new host of “ Sorry I haven’t a Clue ” on Radio 4 The National Lottery increases the number of balls to 89 in line with the increase of the CEO’s annual salary to £6milllion The new “ Whack the Fare (WTF) ” initiative for cheap intercity rail travel to London sees a s...

Well, another year over, and a new one just about to begin. By special request (i.e. the wife and kids asked me not to), here are my predictions for the year 2019: January The date for the annual November “Black Friday” and “Cyber Monday” sale event is announced by Amazon. November. All 30 days of it. Chocolate eggs for Easter 2020 go on sale in Sainsbury’s. Weightwatchers come up with a new resolution to weight loss – they encourage you to help all of your friends gain 15 pounds so you look thinner. To demonstrate Diane Abbott is not as stupid as she is, Jeremy Corbyn encourages her to take an IQ test, which proves negative. February So as not to be accused of turning kids into moronic zombies, Snapchat starts a campaign to encourage its users to read more. They put sub-titles on their pages. A story about Brexit makes it on to the front page of the Beano. George Galloway announces he is changing sex to become a man. Labour blame the Tories for something which ...