The Grumpy Old Blog

  With potential change-of-job time of year on the horizon, here are some answers to the age-old standard question every good ( 🤣 🤣 🤮 ) HR person asks at an interview. "What do you feel you can bring to the business?" 1. On a Friday, a 12-portion Black Forest Gateaux 2. Class A drugs that we can split the proceed from on a 50/50 basis 3. A very loud klaxon (Nigel Farage - he's the MP for Klaxon isn't he?) that is triggered every time someone says "basically", "obviously", "literally", "reach out", uses "super" as either an adverb or adjective or tells a customer "We take such issues very seriously" 4. A proper personnel manager who will do what you currently do far more efficiently and effectively, but on half the salary 5. Will run sessions to teach staff how to pronounce the "h" at the beginning of a word that begins with "h", the "g" at the end of a gerund and any "t...

As the wild and wacky world of HR descends into its ever-increasing own little downward spiral of the "3D's" - Dysfunctionality, Darkness and Dishonesty - a new 'lark' is emerging to help the job phishers (the less than forthright agencies, but as they say on the BBC, "some  extremely good agencies are available") save time and effort as they cream off a huge percentage for placing someone in a job that the company HR person should have done. "Due to the volume of applications we receive we are unable to respond to unsuccessful candidates." So, by this perverted logic in customer service, if you browse in a bookshop and don't buy anything, unfortunately, the staff wont see fit to talk to you. Or "Those six tables in this restaurant aren't mine, so they can die of thirst as it's not my job". Or "You're not a parent at my school, and as the official lollipop lady here, I'm not going to acknowledge you exist,...

A question for you, especially if you are a guilty party in the following. Is there any particular reason why some recruitment consultants copy and paste direct application job advertisements from, as an example, the NHS job website, and then claim them as "my client", who they can't mention and which salary details they haven't any idea of?  Is this not wasting applicants' time and immorally raising their hopes?  I'm sorry, but it's the height of irresponsibility, and needs addressing.  Even a volunteer, mini, "charter" for applicants in agency recruitment advertisements (rather than the usual, unqualified "we are a leading recruitment consultancy" nonsense) might help separate the wheat from the useless. Perhaps something along the lines of: "This is a genuine employment position and we guarantee that we are working solely/in conjunction with x (* see 3rd paragraph below) on filling this position." There sh...

Recruitment in the UK has become an ugly beast. Companies are increasingly caught up in inefficient, amateur and downright unethical practices that are driven by HR nonsense imported from the USA. And unfortunately, successive governments haven't had the gumption to do something about it, where it has got to the stage that legislation is long overdue. HR, often called "Human Remains" by increasingly cynical and mistrusting staff, has now become the laughing stock of business practices, often the crutch used by limping CEO's and MD's who are too weak to either do the hiring and firing themselves, or do anything constructive about it. Now I don't for one minute deny that there are some good personnel people out there! Unfortunately, they are overshadowed by the clinically useless and mechanically inept - those who make more noise, create more misery and frankly, exist for no other reason than they have a little more knowledge on the subject than their peers. The...

I’m in the market for a new job, so, with frustration/despondency having set in at the unbelievably high levels of quality recruitment I am witnessing daily (I know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but according to the advertisements on the job boards, they are all "leading" companies, every last one of them, although I have been trying to find actual proof of their "leadership" for the past 20 years. Yes, "leading", possibly the worst and most abused word in recruitment land, apart from "solutions".) I have taken the liberty of outlining the sort of job I DON’T want. If anyone can fit the bill to save me walking the streets with an advertising sandwich board over my shoulders, I will be eternally grateful. attractive salary - well, as it's so low, it's extremely attractive to us plus benefits - tea and biscuits are free and you get to keep any un-franked stamps you steam off incoming mail Northern-based - Aberdeen-"ish...

A selection from an average day's job postings where either the recritment agency's mystical "my client" is a "leader" or they themselves are the world's "leading" recruitment consultantancy. You really couldn't make it up! The gauntlet is thrown down for you to prove it! Assistant Highways Engineers. Blackburn, North West. Agency: Vertical Recruitment Limited. Our client a leading construction consultancy has a requirement for an Assistant level Civil Engineer to work on a range of local projects around the East Lancashire and Greater Manchester region. Communications Executive. Sheffield, South Yorkshire. Agency: Randstad Managed Services. An exciting opportunity has arisen for a Communications Executive to join a leading organisation based in Sheffield. Head of Business to Business. Leicester, Leicestershire. Agency: CCI Personnel. Our Client is the ‘premier photographic retailer’ throughout the UK with o...

It has always been said that to get a job you need experience, yet to gain experience you need a job. However, thanks to the vagaries of recruitment and the almost universal dysfunctionality and haplessness of HR, this is only half the story. Some companies are Degree-mad, their policy being that if you haven’t a University education, they won’t consider you for a job. Now, the thinking here is that if you can make it through college, you then equally have the nous to make it through their company ranks. To some of these companies, it make no difference that while, yes, you have a degree, your abilities in literacy and numeracy not only leave a lot to be desired, but, for the actual purposes of the job, are virtually non-existent. Yes, you may have a degree in metallurgy and a degree in animal husbandry, thereby giving you legal right to weld cats, but the fact you have a degree that has nothing to do with either the business itself or the department within that business you ar...