The Grumpy Old Blog

Well, we’re used to hearing about the Camping Season , which for Scouts runs from approximately 31st March to 31st October each year, although Graham Norton’s camping season lasts all year. Then there’s the Caravan Season , where Jeremy Clarkson spends six months with extremely high blood pressure as he tries to overtake them on the A38 in an excruciatingly expensive and completely unnecessary car. The Japanese have their Scientific Season, which was a series of sporadic weeks where they slaughtered endangered whales for scientific research, the results of which seem to be a closely guarded world-secret. This season now looks set, thanks to a group of spineless, land-locked countries threatened by the Land of the Rising Scientific Research with paying more for their Nintendos and PlayStations, to last until the final whale is wiped off the face of the oceans. I have written to the Japanese Embassy four times now seeking details of this research (email address info@l...

The hip and with-it rubbish is expanding at a rate of knots. Exponentially in relation to a lack of understanding in some cases. Newsreaders tell us what's "trending" at the moment. Exactly. What IS trending? Aside from being a load of old "bolleaux" and a fancy, world wide web way of saying "what style-less fashion of the moment people are falling for". If you're especially worried, they'll tell you to "hashtag", whatever the hell that means. #. There. I've hashtagged! Piers Morgan, the former editor of the Daily Mirror, and now for some reason is as equally qualified as a 22-year old singer is to dictate who has or hasn't singing talent in a nationwide talent contest. Meanwhile, what they don't tell us, is that the talent contest is solely designed to make Simon Cowell even more wealthy. Piers is busy twittering on about football, as if anyone really cares. 24 hours a day it seems. Talking a load of bolleaux t...