I was asked rather accusingly this morning about what I will be doing for the King's Coronation. Well, if it's cash in hand, His Majesty had my contact details. Perhaps I could have: * Kick-started the Gold State Coach * Write some jokes for Huw Edwards for when he starts talking total nonsense to fill in the pregnant pauses when absolutely nothing is happening * Prevent people from laughing at how Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice are dressed * Remind commentators that Love Island contestants and Judy Murray are NOT celebrities * Lock Piers Morgan in the boot of a Volvo in Victoria outside the National Express station and tape the keys to the back of a bus heading to Aberdeen * Look after Joe Biden's Zimmer frame * Ensure Diane Abbot doesn't write to the Observer about the event * Explain to TikTokkers that the tins of evaporated milk they have brought along to have autographed by members of the Royal Party are "Carnation" * Explain to people that the queue out...
On my soapbox again!