The Grumpy Old Blog

I love when TV interviews people who go to party political conferences. These people fall into three basic categories: a. Someone who has been elected to something in their party b. Someone who wants to be elected to something in their party c. Someone who is out on institutional day-release to attend the conference 1. The Conservative supporter is inevitably a Jacob Rees Mogg clone, in a four, or even five-piece suit, sounding either like Jacob or otherwise sounding like a Gloucestershire country bumpkin who inevitably needs plugging into a slow-speed charger following the interview. 2. The Labour supporter, usually looking like Dave Spart from Private Eye, has great difficulty in pronouncing basic English words. They use “basically” and “essentially” before each sentence, include a “literally” in the middle, and will happily declare Barbara Castle from the Harold Wilson years as the finest Transport Minister who ever was. This, despite the fact that while she was in real life q...

    Brilliant! February may not quite be finished, but spring MUST be on the way, as the first leaflets 'spring' through the door for the 4th May local elections. Almost 10 weeks to go, and some Labour oik who I have never heard of or ever seen before is having a go at gaining my vote. I have every faith that the respective Conservative and LibDem oiks as well the one of five-a-day, thoroughly detestable Greens will be shoving their recyclables through my letterbox soon too. I don't know why, but my paper recycling bin is to the left of my front door. Just cut out the middle man - me - and put your electioneering rubbish straight in the bin. Unlike some friends of mine who have become councillors, with their hard work benefiting the residents of places such as Swinton, Crumpsall and Prestwich, I am not interested in some oik whom I have never seen before, with his ridiculous footballer haircut and man bun, and a stupid curtain-ring earring in both ears, representing me. I ...

This post is intended for anyone who may be a sensible local councillor. Now I appreciate the two words "sensible councillor" used together may cause concern to many constituents who consider their councils, if "Rotten Burroughs" in Private Eye magazine is anything to go by, to be as far away from reality as Dr Who's Tardis. Nottingham, Luton, Bath and of course the lunacy in Croydon are prime examples. A Chief Executive is brought in with a huge "golden hello" via a swathe of council taxpayers' money, and three months later, leaves with an equally huge chunk of council taxpayers' money as a "golden good riddance" only to surface as a CEO of some other council, on an eye-watering salary and pension, some 200 miles away. Meanwhile, as their council areas go to pot, Councillor Portfolio Holders for Veganism, Gender Bending, National Bill and Ben Flowerpot Men Week and more are claiming attendance allowances for meetings they never turn ...

Well done to everyone involved with Sport Relief in raising almost £40milion and especially to the fantastic Zoe Ball for raising a thoroughly amazing £1million-plus on her own. Bet dad Johnny must be so proud. Astounding. P.S. Also, delighted to see that 3 of the 11 homeless people sleeping in doorways along Manchester's Deansgate this morning now have little put-me-up-tents. Not that I'm advocating too much charity should begin at home. But at least three of these unfortunate people can now cough and sneeze in the comfort of their own now-enclosed pavement slabs. Oh! And that after 8 months of chaos they have now resurfaced Bury New Bottleneck Road as part of the £800,000 "Village" improvement that no one in the area wanted nor were consulted on. I'm just chuffed, as a council tax payer, that the cash-strapped Council indeed had some spare cash to waste, er, sorry, I mean spend on this. Well done to Councillor Backhandcash for pushing it...

What things have Councils across the UK got in common? Actually, this is more about those things that annoy the public who pay for them from their hard-earned cash and whom they are meant, as a result, to serve to their alleged best Here are a couple of aggregated points: Most councils have senior executives on six-figure salaries, many larger than that of the Prime Minister, with inflation-busting increases every year while those at the coal-face in a best-case scenario receive no increase, while in a worse-case scenario, are shunted off to the Job Centre Most councils do things simply because they can, and get away with them because they have the law on their side, regardless of how reprehensible or morally offensive those things are. It is almost impossible to have their decisions reversed. That the members of the public who fund them have to turn to their MP, the media or to consumer programmes on television or in newspapers for action is utterly reprehensible It is so diffi...

Local election day in the UK, where many Britons head off to the voting station to put an "X" beside the name of someone they don't know representing the political views of a party they know nothing about. And that's just the candidates. Just back myself from the high-tech plywood and nails that I believe is officially called a "polling booth". Plainly the local invigilator must have worked in a bank, as the little voting pencils were very technically Sellotaped to a piece of string in the booth. The iPad generation hasn't enveloped the political voting system just yet, despite many councillors spending vast sums of local council tax-payers money on iPads and Samsungs to assist with a larger screen to play Candy Crush on as they attend vital Council meetings. The local school kids have been kicked out of their play-school hall to accommodate this. I was bitterly disappointed that only four names appeared on the ballot paper, none of whom was ...