The Grumpy Old Blog

  I appreciate that with age comes the almost inalienable right to become a grumpy old git who flies off the handle when normality from his childhood transforms into an unnecessary modern-day evil. With last night's 1% Club having run on my second screen while I was graphicising, I am astounded at the number of contestants who "were out" when it came to very simple questions about English and wording. People seem clueless. If this is how they are with questions designed allegedly to "show how their brain works", the future's neither bright nor orange! It's bleak. I cannot understand the term "pre-order", which to me means "ordering before you order", which is total horseshit. Will the soshul influenzas be telling us soon that breaking wind is a "pre-sh*t"? All "pre-order" is, is an effort to disguise the fact that brands want to grab your money into their bank accounts as far ahead of you receiving the goods as the...

Had a cold-caller (despite it being 26 degrees today) on the phone trying to convert my electricity (it's currently Church of England). It wasn't so much the cold call as the continual assault with boardroom-bull clichés, not to forget a very over-liberal smattering of "obviously", "basically", and my favourite of all time "reach out". He suggested bi-lateral "reaching out" at least seven times during the conversation, which means I could end up having to head to the pharmacy to grab some Voltarol to ease the aches and pains caused by all the reaching out. He gave me his email address so I can "reach out" at any time (I do wonder should RNLI volunteers have to head off into a Force 9 gale to rescue some smart-ar*e who thinks he's safe on the polystyrene insert from his Billy bookcase, whether the RNLI email or reach out?). I have sent him this as some weekend reading:   • Advance preview; when was the last time you went to a...