Saturday, 26 May 2012

"Pre-"

I was looking through the Guardian this morning and noticed a position being advertised that I thought I'd take a closer look at. The first sentence, when clicking the link to apply was:

"If you are registered, please log in and we will pre-fill this form for you."

What is the current fixation with the prefix "pre". It is everywhere, turning perfectly reasonable statements into total and utter gibberish!

I would have thought that for one of our major quality newspapers, instead of "please log in and we will pre-fill this form for you" it would have been much more sensible to have something along the lines of "please log in and your details will be automatically filled in for you".

It is the rip-off Britain merchants who have embraced this particular prefix with a vengeance. They have nonsensically slapped it in front of the word "order" so that the moment an overpriced games console, war game for that console, phone, pair of designer trainers made in a Vietnamese sweat-shop, etc, is announced as on the way, large shelf-talkers and posters appear enabling the customer to "pre-order".

Oh come off it you total idiots! There is absolutely no such thing as pre-order! You either order something or you don't order something!

Just be honest and say "order now", or perhaps be brave enough to say "order now so we can bank your money and at least make some extra interest, although it's not a lot, safe in the knowledge that we've trapped you into buying our crap knowing full-well that the price will be reduced three weeks after you've taken delivery".

And then there's "pre-book". What? How can you pre-book? Either you book or you don't book. You'll still get charged an unethical, totally dishonest and translucent booking fee no matter what you do! Complete and utter garbage! Pre-book! Whoever thought of this totally stupid and meaningless statement needs to retake a GCSE in English. In grammatically-correct English, "pre-book" translates as "book before you book", which is utter nonsense.

If you've passed by any of the cash converting shops, you know, the ones who pay £40 for a Notebook PC in the grim hope they can sell it for £160. Well, all their goods are now either "pre-owned" or "pre-loved" (pre-loved? what utter and absolute nonsensical garbage is that now?).

Well I've got bad news for them all. Some very bad news in fact. These goods are neither "pre-owned" or "pre-loved"; they are just plain old second-hand or used. End of.

Or stolen, in the case of those shops located in the more dubious suburbs.

Right, I've just "pre-sh*tted" (that's "broken wind" in the "pre" brigade's language) prior to "pre-driving" (picking up my car keys from the table) and "pre-shopping" (putting my wallet in my pocket) in order to "pre-eat" (go supermarket food shopping).

Pah!

1 comment:

  1. I got Robert to pre read this for me Ed.
    Saved me a load of time...
    LOL

    ReplyDelete