The Grumpy Old Blog

Well, when I say the magical rip-off season is upon us, there ain't nowt (double negative, incorrectly spelt - how hip is that?) magical about it and it tends to extend all year round in the UK anyway. We've all read how mystically, the prices of even the most negatively-starred hotels in London have been drawn into the Olympic net by the likes of Thomas Cook, who are quite happy to put a package together whereby you receive two tickets to the backgammon quarter finals and a double shoebox, cleverly made up to resemble a hotel room, in some far-flung West London suburb, miles away from the Olympic action. Had you made your own arrangements in time to get the event tickets, it would have cost £21.12 a ticket and £49 for the room, but thanks to the wonderful incentive package put together by Thomas Cook, you get both, plus a free breakkfast (a voucher to the fast-food emporium with clowns and yellow arches) for a mere £1700. And they get away with it. Because they are offic...

Well, I suppose it's a strange week that goes by every week really! Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, the Libyan spy whom, it was claimed, was the Lockerbie bomber, passed away and was interred without any ceremony or speeches to mark his departure. Somewhat different to his arrival in Libya after having been released. Meanwhile, back home in Blighty, Eugene Polley passed away at the ripe old age of 96. Also without too much pomp and ceremony. Yes, and who was Eugene Polley I hear you ask? Why he was Mr Founding Father Couch Potato of course! Still no wiser? Well, Mr Polley launched the first wireless TV control way back in 1955, although he felt that despite some retrospective awards, he never received the credit he felt he was due. Such as a subscription to WeightWatchers. Meanwhile, the good folk at the Levenson inquiry are hoping no one gets wind of the wonderful mad folk in the Middle East, in particular a civil plaintiff (?), Duwaim al-Muwazri, who feels that the death sentence ...

I was looking through the Guardian this morning and noticed a position being advertised that I thought I'd take a closer look at. The first sentence, when clicking the link to apply was: "If you are registered, please log in and we will pre-fill this form for you." What is the current fixation with the prefix "pre" . It is everywhere, turning perfectly reasonable statements into total and utter gibberish! I would have thought that for one of our major quality newspapers, instead of "please log in and we will pre-fill this form for you" it would have been much more sensible to have something along the lines of "please log in and your details will be automatically filled in for you". It is the rip-off Britain merchants who have embraced this particular prefix with a vengeance. They have nonsensically slapped it in front of the word " order " so that the moment an overpriced games console, war game for that console, phone,...

Two words seem to be very misunderstood out in marketing land - "cost" , "worth" and "value" . I have to smile when I see the advertisements, most noticeably from the phone providers or phone bucket shops, for the "New super-duper Acme phone" which includes "free acme headphones worth £199". Er. No. Sorry chaps. The headphones are not in any way "worth" £199. That £199 would be the " cost " of them in rip-off Britain. Not their worth. They are actually "worth" about £25, if that! Oh! And they're not "free" . The price has been factored into your phone contract. Which would be a few quid less a month if it didn't include the "free" headphones. Those that are worth £25. Supermarkets are increasingly coming under scrutiny for their special offers that have been discovered to be not all that special after all. The buy one for £2.50 or two for £4 type of thing, wh...

I know I harp on about the unbelievably ridiculous over-usage of the words "leading" and "solutions" , the former most noticeably in the recruitment world where every client of every recruitment organisations is a "leader" (hence the often less-than pecuniary rates these "leaders" offer for the job), the latter, sitting as a great excuse for a trade name, mainly because the company couldn't be bothered to be a little bit more creative. I always thought that if you were a "leader" in your field, you should have some form of independently assessed qualification and quantification to prove it! I can understand President Nodinnajaket of Iran or President Mugabe each being described as "one of the world's leading fruitcakes" , because we see their antics daily in the news. But how can some drinks or ball-bearing manufacturer, or a law firm, actually receive the accolade of being described as "leading" . An...

I think I've discovered a new phenomenon about branding. Typecasting! For example, most females - and I'm not being sexist here, just quantitative through observance - driving a Mini or one of those ridiculous and unnecessary 4x4 juggernauts, tend to be blond. And always on their mobiles. In fact, I'm convinced the new Rage Rover Evqoues that have sprung up around our area are all being driven in turn by the same short, blond, telephone-obsessed woman. Similarly, the young ladies with their jeans tucked into their genuine, or otherwise, Ugg boots, look like clones of each other, identical hair, far too much make-up, copy fashion bags hanging from their arms and interminable Blackberry clutched in their hands. (As an aside, I cannot understand why they have to nurse their phone, checking it every seven seconds - it is so simple to get it to make a sound when there's a message. I know back in the 70's/80's I never wandered around the house with the phone and...

One of those three-panel "Win a Million" scratchcards fell out of my newspaper this morning. Not a major or in anyway newsworthy event in itself, but I must admit my surprise. I didn't think anyone bothered with them anymore, or, to be a little more technical, I didn't think anyone was taken in by them anymore. Firstly, it actually is printed on the bottom of each panel that "Every card has a set of 3 matching symbols, 2 matching symbols and no matching symbols". Right, so you are going to 'win', half-win and not win respectively. Then, while the prize list is somewhat impressive with 1x£1m, 1x£100k, 2x£20k, 3x£10k and other things like holidays, tablet PC's city breaks all the way down to 1000 "faux" fashion watches, 1000 salon  makeovers and 1000xVIP Thames cruises. Now should I be stupid enough to spend the £1.53 a minute for the 6 minute phone call to claim my prize (that's almost a tenner, for those of you without cal...

I’m in the market for a new job, so, with frustration/despondency having set in at the unbelievably high levels of quality recruitment I am witnessing daily (I know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but according to the advertisements on the job boards, they are all "leading" companies, every last one of them, although I have been trying to find actual proof of their "leadership" for the past 20 years. Yes, "leading", possibly the worst and most abused word in recruitment land, apart from "solutions".) I have taken the liberty of outlining the sort of job I DON’T want. If anyone can fit the bill to save me walking the streets with an advertising sandwich board over my shoulders, I will be eternally grateful. attractive salary - well, as it's so low, it's extremely attractive to us plus benefits - tea and biscuits are free and you get to keep any un-franked stamps you steam off incoming mail Northern-based - Aberdeen-"ish...

Although old enough to know better (in fact, really, really old enough to know better), I do enjoy a foray onto Facebook. For all we older ones may deride it, I have found that particular site has put me back in touch with people who simply dropped out of my life thirty years ago. In fairness, they tended to drop out because I was brought up in Dublin (Ireland, for those of you lacking in geographical knowledge), but now live in Yorkshire (England, for those of you still lacking in geographical knowledge). And it happened well before the internet age. Or at least at the time when Tim Berners-Lee was busy inventing t’internet. . Anyway, to cut a long story short, an old female friend from Dublin (we lived at 25, they at 37) made a Facebook statement that she was doing a simple survey asking her friends whether they either knew, or give two hoots, about whatever happened with various football teams today, with today being Sunday 13th May. Myself, I am so au-fait with football that I d...

A selection from an average day's job postings where either the recritment agency's mystical "my client" is a "leader" or they themselves are the world's "leading" recruitment consultantancy. You really couldn't make it up! The gauntlet is thrown down for you to prove it! Assistant Highways Engineers. Blackburn, North West. Agency: Vertical Recruitment Limited. Our client a leading construction consultancy has a requirement for an Assistant level Civil Engineer to work on a range of local projects around the East Lancashire and Greater Manchester region. Communications Executive. Sheffield, South Yorkshire. Agency: Randstad Managed Services. An exciting opportunity has arisen for a Communications Executive to join a leading organisation based in Sheffield. Head of Business to Business. Leicester, Leicestershire. Agency: CCI Personnel. Our Client is the ‘premier photographic retailer’ throughout the UK with o...

The news seems to have broken regarding upwards of 2,000 public servants who are currently pretending they are limited companies in order to save on their tax and national insurance obligations. In fairness, they, like you or I, are keen to avoid paying a penny more than they have to into a system that seems to be awash with money when it comes to supporting infidel-hating middle-eastern clerics, with their benefits, mobility and legal aid payments, as well as illegal immigrants who continue to live in paid-for Chelsea properties having already defrauded the taxpayer of more than £30,000 to date. These public servants are ostensibly no more a limited company than you or I. And what is more galling is the fact that their salary is far more than yours or mine to begin with, any reference to this legalised con aside. I have never decried people making a fortune, provided it is worked for genuinely and honestly. However, there is only so much money you need for a very comfortable exi...

My good friends at the CIPD (Chartered Institute for Personnel and Development), that astute body of people who I wouldn't leave in charge of a Happy Meal order at that popular fast food outlet (perhaps they should ask permission to use the clown as their mascot), have come up with some silly season research (a few months early, of course, in pursuit of getting into the May bank holiday media when journalists will seize upon any old drivel to get away from the office early) that suggests British managers are out of touch with their staff and generally deluded about their own worth. Yes, great stuff from those who are meant to head-up the wild, wacky and totally dysfunctional world of HR. They went on to say that managers consistently have a more grandiose view of their own effectiveness than do those who work for them. Well, ten out of ten for stating the blasted obvious, as anyone working on the shop floor, in an office, on a production line, in a shop, call centre or on the mi...

A sensible question asked by any sensible email account holder. Why do complete strangers from the other side of the world send you nonsense you don't want at a time when you're not the least bit interested in it? Generally to try and make money from you - illegally. Research has shown that it is now nigh on impossible to calculate the number of Nigerian Oil Ministers, their surviving relatives, their lawyers or the sheer volume of millions of dollars on offer via the now infamous Nigerian 419 advance fee fraud - where you receive a charming "Dear Beneficiary" email from a grand sounding person at an impressive address and via an impressive but fake email address. Those of you who receive these emails into you Outlook programme via Microsoft Connector will immediately notice that while the email purports to come from some grand-sounding group of financial lawyers, the return email address is usually a free account - yahoo.com.jp or similar. And some of the sca...

Swedish file sharing website The Pirate Bay is now under threat following legal action by the British Phonographic Industry last December. They alleged that the website "infringes copyright on a massive scale” regarding the sharing of computer games, software, films and music. Point taken, and one can't for one minute deny that copyright is being infringed on quite a massive scale, not just on Pirate Bay, but all around the internet. However, with due respect to the originators of the shared files, I have never used Pirate Bay myself, except perhaps on very odd occasions for software, films and music. I never use Pirate Bay for software, because I prefer to pay an outlandish price for another seemingly pointless update to Microsoft Office that neither improves my speed nor productivity. And I am quite happy to part with hard earned cash to a company that has already earned a fortune from me - and others - with their updates over the years. And as for the recent update of Pho...