The Grumpy Old Blog

  It's life, but not as we know it Jim! I knew the fall of civilisation was imminent back in 1995 when I was working as one of the 27 launch managers for the new, at the time, Vauxhall Vectra (or as the Director of Marketing insisted, "The new Vectra from Vauxhall". Bridge or borough he never did clarify). Driving one of the only 50 or so in existence to my designated 25 dealers one by one across the North East of England during the September of that year was a better buzz than if I'd been driving a Rolls Royce. And then it was all shattered. Vauxhall gave Jeremy Clarkson a Vectra to road test. And the only thing he saw fit to mention was the "atomic" clock. The small, green four-figure display clock built into the car's dashboard that synced via, I think it was, General Motors' OnStar system, to the nearest available atomic clock, meaning that it was more accurate than something that was really accurate. And not only that, but for those willing to, ...

  I have never been a great sports attender. Yes, as a secondary schoolboy, I don't believe I missed a single International Rugby Match at Lansdowne Road between 1970 and 1973. And I was a very keen tennis player. Other than that, I attended the 1988 Challenge Cup between Wigan and Halifax at Wembley where Wigan won the match 32–12. I had not the slightest clue what was going on. I also went to watch an international cricket match that summer at Headingly, and had even less of a clue as to what was going on.    It appeared to be grown men dressed in white, starting to run miles away while scratching their nether regions with a ball, and then prior to collapsing with exhaustion from their 3-mile run into the stadium, throwing the ball at someone holding a cricket racquet.    My final foray was for Leeds versus Reading at Elland Road on the occasion when they were trying to move up a division, a match they lost. Some chap kept screaming at the Leeds team while ru...

Being as I am technically "retired", I tend to now watch a little more on the idiot box than I used to. I do like a reasonable film, and yes, I do enjoy a quiz programme, if only to watch the number of contestants who are quite happy to appear on national television and declare that the Nile is the longest river in the UK and Belgium is the capital of France. However, sometimes I do wonder about some of the greater questions related to cinematic and televisual authenticity. Here's a boring list: 1. Those appearing in "The Witcher" series and all those in pirate, Western and WW1 films all have such Turkishly-perfect teeth 2. The baddies in Horse Operas are always named "Cleetus" or "Festus"? 3. CIA/FBI ladies successfully chase the Russians for three miles on foot over Tundra or through Amazon jungle in very high heels 4. Aliens always have American accents 5. In a London car chase, they turn left out of Oxford Street straight onto Tower Bridg...

I would love (and I know it will never happen) for just one conspiracy theorist somewhere in the world to prove just one, or even half of one of their claims. My local Professor Conspiracy dropped in for a coffee and has some new theories she is convinced of. 1. The internet is just out there in the sky and is free. We should not be paying for it. Yes, Sir Tim Berners-Lee indeed wanted it to be free, which depending on what you use it for (ie avoiding data hoovers), it can be sort of free. However, I cannot get Professor Conspiracy to understand that the "free" internet cannot be brought into your house without charge for the infrastructure and technology that enables it via the providers. I asked her why then does she not drop her internet provider and just go get it for free herself. Her reply. "But you need to pay someone to bring it into your house. All the wiring and that." In effect, she is arguing with herself. 2. Amazon was never started by Jeff Bezos. It wa...

I do wish people would realise that it's the looney-tunes interpreters of the many and various religious novels, and not the normal, sentient people born into said various religions that cause all religious-related misery in the world today. And don't give me that "to believe you have to have faith and to have faith you have to believe" guff. It just doesn't wash. Hard, scientific and provable evidence is the only thing that does it for me. Not imbecilic control freaks who never do the dirty work themselves, instead, brainwashing, often the vulnerable and the outcast, into accepting unachievable and unprovable rewards for carrying out maniacal deeds. It also provides the opportunity for blame culture to flourish at the expense of religion, c.f. Mr Hitler and his current incarnate, the Supreme Nutter of Iran as well as the likes of the inappropriately named white "supremacists" and the inbred trailer trash of the KKK who for some totally inexplicable reas...

Just finished a dreary marketing zoom meeting (yes, I know, I was in marketing myself for years!) with some disinterested "facilitator" who had such bright teeth implants I had to wear my sunglasses. It was to "garner opinion" on a potential "new" comparison website (yep, another bloody parasitical venture that also asked about the ridiculous test names [a common word spelt incorrectly of course - how creative] and branding that they had come up with). Further than that I can't reveal, otherwise they will find me and they will kill me. Mr Implanty kept droning on at every opportunity that it is "all about the brand". No Mr Implanty, it's not all about the brand if the product turns out to be utter and total crap. The brand that is Kanye Hitler is a perfect example. Expedia is another example where they play off Trivago against their own other Expedia brands, namely hotels dot con (sic), ebookers and Expedia itself. And if it's just yo...

You may agree that ‘ Bad readers don't exist, only bad writers do ’ is a very interesting statement. It is one which, without any doubt, certainly applied before the digital age when all that was available for non-verbal communication was the printed word. But how about now? Well, it's possibly no longer true. There have always been bad writers. There always will be, but sadly, these are increasing almost by the minute! For example, it has been suggested by some literary critics that despite being a top-selling author, Dan Brown [The Da Vinci Code] is a 'bad writer'. Yet he sold millions of books which in turn were made into huge blockbuster films. During the formative years of the late 60’s to early 70’s generation, they were taught to read, write and speak proficiently. If they didn’t, they were chided at school (that is, the wooden board duster was ‘correctively’ thrown towards offending students by the teacher) and all were certainly helped with the ar...