"What do you feel you can bring to the business?"

With potential change-of-job time of year on the horizon, here are some answers to the age-old standard question every good (🤣🤣🤮) HR person asks at an interview. "What do you feel you can bring to the business?"
1. On a Friday, a 12-portion Black Forest Gateaux
2. Class A drugs that we can split the proceed from on a 50/50 basis
3. A very loud klaxon (Nigel Farage - he's the MP for Klaxon isn't he?) that is triggered every time someone says "basically", "obviously", "literally", "reach out", uses "super" as either an adverb or adjective or tells a customer "We take such issues very seriously"
4. A proper personnel manager who will do what you currently do far more efficiently and effectively, but on half the salary
5. Will run sessions to teach staff how to pronounce the "h" at the beginning of a word that begins with "h", the "g" at the end of a gerund and any "t" occurring in the middle of a word
6. Show staff how to avoid "replying to all" when an email comes from accounts or HR
7. Instruct staff on basic toilet hygiene, such as flushing the toilet after use, putting the seat lid down and teaching men who have the habit of mopping or combing back their hair with their hands that they really need to wash them first, especially if the toilet tissue is only budget two-ply.

Comments

Pirate Bay threatened with closure - doesn't affect me

Swedish file sharing website The Pirate Bay is now under threat following legal action by the British Phonographic Industry last December. They alleged that the website "infringes copyright on a massive scale” regarding the sharing of computer games, software, films and music. Point taken, and one can't for one minute deny that copyright is being infringed on quite a massive scale, not just on Pirate Bay, but all around the internet. However, with due respect to the originators of the shared files, I have never used Pirate Bay myself, except perhaps on very odd occasions for software, films and music. I never use Pirate Bay for software, because I prefer to pay an outlandish price for another seemingly pointless update to Microsoft Office that neither improves my speed nor productivity. And I am quite happy to part with hard earned cash to a company that has already earned a fortune from me - and others - with their updates over the years. And as for the recent update of Pho...

Airport amusement

There is no doubt that airports can be quite amusing places. That is apart from being told by a burly security supervisor at the x-ray gate that thanks to the only contribution Yasser Arafat ever made to society, I had to remove my belt, shoes, watch and place my AK-47 in the tray provided. Watching people going around their travel ‘business’ in airports and on board the aircraft is hilarious. There are those who are plainly not very good at it, continually checking all manner of minutiae with the other members of the party. “Do we go to the gate?”, “Have we time for a beer?”, “I MUST get a pizza”. There are those who have plainly not done it much before and like their fellow travellers to be made fully aware of the exact opposite, as they point and gesture to the monitor shouting out their destination and boarding gate at every passing opportunity to one and all around them. There are those who think they are something special – despite the fact they are travelling via bu...

Are Camelot dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy?

There can be no denying that UK lottery operators Camelot are on to a good thing. Especially the overpaid management. They have been reaping the benefits of the franchise for years now - a franchise that in essence, has been licenced by the government to print money. However, I can't quite make up my mind whether the management of the Lotto are dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy, although the cynic in me answers the question when I consider the chief Executive of Camelot was complaining last year that the annual bonus on her not inconsiderable 7-figure salary had been reduced (conveniently forgetting her 18 year sojourn to date at Camelot has produced a pension we mere mortals can only dream about. How about the poor soldiers, CEO Dianne Thompson, who come back from the far-east minus a leg and have to legally fight for compensation that doesn't even touch what you earn less than a month? And they don't receive CBE's for their troubles either !). Irres...

The Grumpy Old Blog

Search This Blog