"𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸" and "𝗜 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁".

Perhaps the most caustic sentence fragments in the English language. Especially when uttered by either conspiracy theorists or the congenitally stupid. Firstly, they never think, as it is not within their general cognitive abilities to be able to do so - their thinking is usually limited to "I saw it on TikTok", "time to eat", "time to sleep", "time to crap". And that's about it.

One particular neighbour of mine, with a PhD in Benefit Claiming, has a remarkable ability - for one so unbelievably dense - to make up stuff at a rate that might suggest all the "stuff" in the world is severely endangered.

For example, he always announces when a white car (do take into account there are currently some 4.4million white cars in the UK) passes at the end of the street, "Oh look, I think (there's that magical fragment, "𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸") that was 'our Martin'. He has a white car"

I would explain Darwin's "Origin of Species" to him in simplistic terms, but unfortunately, evolution seems to have given him a miss.

Some crackers today.

1. Opposite us is the Queen's Medical Building attached to what was "The University of Bolton". It houses teaching rooms and offers advanced dental laboratories for dental students to develop their skills using specialist dental industry equipment. They took the signage down a few weeks ago, and Dr Benefits stated "𝗜 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 it is being converted into flats for immigrants". Meanwhile, over the weekend, the University affixed a new sign, as in the photograph. When I showed Dr Benefits the photo, his explanation was "They just want us to think that".

Some of his other gems this weekend for your enlightenment.

2. 𝗜 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 you can now get a book (he has not got a single book in his flat himself by the way) that explains how you can legally avoid paying Council Tax". I did inform him there has been two existing sheets of printed paper that explain how to do it legally ever since the days of domestic rates. One is called a "sales receipt from an estate agent", the other, a "death certificate"
3. 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 that Tommy Robinson is Jewish, because he supports Israel (Dr Benefits does himself support Israel. His argument fails regarding Tommy Robinson, because Dr Benefits is Roman Catholic himself)
4. It would appear, according to Dr Benefits, the reason I couldn't get a bus before 9 this morning, was a, because he "𝗜 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 Andy Burnham (the unitary elected mayor for Manchester, for those of you who didn't know) has diverted the buses to the posh areas so they don't have to wait as long as we do for a bus".
I did try to explain the concept that many people living in "posh areas" can actually have a minimum of two cars, or in the case of Mr and Mrs BooHoo/Pretty Little Things/Tumbling down Clothing Empire thanks to Shein, on Ringley Road in Manchester, 6 cars. No, completely over his head.

I think it is fair to state that if the Jihadists just remain in sleeper mode and leave us all to it, give us 40 years, and many will master their own destruction quite peacefully, without any violence required. In fact, so many will have their heads in their Thick-Tacks and Instagrannies 24/7, busily "following" all the life-saving soshul influenza wastrels, they won't even notice the great apocalypse going on around them.

Pirate Bay threatened with closure - doesn't affect me

Swedish file sharing website The Pirate Bay is now under threat following legal action by the British Phonographic Industry last December. They alleged that the website "infringes copyright on a massive scale” regarding the sharing of computer games, software, films and music. Point taken, and one can't for one minute deny that copyright is being infringed on quite a massive scale, not just on Pirate Bay, but all around the internet. However, with due respect to the originators of the shared files, I have never used Pirate Bay myself, except perhaps on very odd occasions for software, films and music. I never use Pirate Bay for software, because I prefer to pay an outlandish price for another seemingly pointless update to Microsoft Office that neither improves my speed nor productivity. And I am quite happy to part with hard earned cash to a company that has already earned a fortune from me - and others - with their updates over the years. And as for the recent update of Pho...

Airport amusement

There is no doubt that airports can be quite amusing places. That is apart from being told by a burly security supervisor at the x-ray gate that thanks to the only contribution Yasser Arafat ever made to society, I had to remove my belt, shoes, watch and place my AK-47 in the tray provided. Watching people going around their travel ‘business’ in airports and on board the aircraft is hilarious. There are those who are plainly not very good at it, continually checking all manner of minutiae with the other members of the party. “Do we go to the gate?”, “Have we time for a beer?”, “I MUST get a pizza”. There are those who have plainly not done it much before and like their fellow travellers to be made fully aware of the exact opposite, as they point and gesture to the monitor shouting out their destination and boarding gate at every passing opportunity to one and all around them. There are those who think they are something special – despite the fact they are travelling via bu...

Are Camelot dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy?

There can be no denying that UK lottery operators Camelot are on to a good thing. Especially the overpaid management. They have been reaping the benefits of the franchise for years now - a franchise that in essence, has been licenced by the government to print money. However, I can't quite make up my mind whether the management of the Lotto are dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy, although the cynic in me answers the question when I consider the chief Executive of Camelot was complaining last year that the annual bonus on her not inconsiderable 7-figure salary had been reduced (conveniently forgetting her 18 year sojourn to date at Camelot has produced a pension we mere mortals can only dream about. How about the poor soldiers, CEO Dianne Thompson, who come back from the far-east minus a leg and have to legally fight for compensation that doesn't even touch what you earn less than a month? And they don't receive CBE's for their troubles either !). Irres...

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