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Reach out all you want - I certainly won't be there

 

I appreciate that with age comes the almost inalienable right to become a grumpy old git who flies off the handle when normality from his childhood transforms into an unnecessary modern-day evil.
With last night's 1% Club having run on my second screen while I was graphicising, I am astounded at the number of contestants who "were out" when it came to very simple questions about English and wording. People seem clueless. If this is how they are with questions designed allegedly to "show how their brain works", the future's neither bright nor orange! It's bleak.
I cannot understand the term "pre-order", which to me means "ordering before you order", which is total horseshit. Will the soshul influenzas be telling us soon that breaking wind is a "pre-sh*t"?
All "pre-order" is, is an effort to disguise the fact that brands want to grab your money into their bank accounts as far ahead of you receiving the goods as they possibly can. And the sheep fall for it hook, line and sinker. And if interest rates do climb, well more fool the lot of them.
The same applies to the nonsensical verbiage people now use - "reaching out" as a primary example. Vodafone, my home broadband supplier, upped the horseshit game on Friday, informing me that "following my query, they will be 'reaching back' in due course". I presume 'reaching back' has something to do with putting a car seatbelt on.
Stop all the "reaching out and back" that causes me to start "retching out" and just communicate in good old plain English. Using "reaching out" neither makes you seem any more intelligent, 'with it' or in any way increases my endearment towards you. And if you are a professional, well-educated person, I find it insulting that you are insulting your own intelligence with this "reaching out" crapology.
I have just completed a feedback form for some research with Newcastle University on vitamin supplements. The acknowledgement email informed me that "my valuable comments have been added to the pipeline". What bloody pipeline? Straight to the sewerage overflow for Northumbrian Water Limited? Wai aye man"
Just stop it all of you, and grow up.

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