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The Royal Variety Show - a decided variety in lack of talent

The Royal Variety Performance - a decided variety in lack of talent

Well. I decided to watch the Royal Variety I had recorded on Sunday (makes sense to have recorded it on Sunday, as that is the date it was transmitted) last night, there being "not a lot"© on. (©Paul Daniels)

I managed to watch this year's very piss-poor 2¾ marathon effort (even the shots of His Majesty laughing saw him just doing this to be polite to the comedians) in 30 minutes, my single longest attentive span on natural speed playback being the excellent "Oliver" stage production excerpt.

I did get rather excited when Stephen Mulhern, returning to magic for his guest spot, made Amanda "Lips" Holden disappear. However, much to my total disappointment and despondency, this disappearance wasn't permanent, and very sadly, she returned.

Penn and Teller were worse than awful, and while I tend to watch comedienne Ellie Taylor for everything except her jokes, her repeated usage of "super" as an adjective/adverb was itself one of her biggest jokes.

There were several invisible dog-patting singers, (why do they pat the air while singing?) singing like they were trying to poo, and I patiently waited, on 30x Sky fast forward, for Dame Elton to perform some of his wonderful hits, but none were forthcoming.

Whatever happened to talented performers as event hosts, as in the days of Sir Brucie or Bob Monkhouse.

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