Skip to main content

The Royal Variety Show - a decided variety in lack of talent

The Royal Variety Performance - a decided variety in lack of talent

Well. I decided to watch the Royal Variety I had recorded on Sunday (makes sense to have recorded it on Sunday, as that is the date it was transmitted) last night, there being "not a lot"© on. (©Paul Daniels)

I managed to watch this year's very piss-poor 2¾ marathon effort (even the shots of His Majesty laughing saw him just doing this to be polite to the comedians) in 30 minutes, my single longest attentive span on natural speed playback being the excellent "Oliver" stage production excerpt.

I did get rather excited when Stephen Mulhern, returning to magic for his guest spot, made Amanda "Lips" Holden disappear. However, much to my total disappointment and despondency, this disappearance wasn't permanent, and very sadly, she returned.

Penn and Teller were worse than awful, and while I tend to watch comedienne Ellie Taylor for everything except her jokes, her repeated usage of "super" as an adjective/adverb was itself one of her biggest jokes.

There were several invisible dog-patting singers, (why do they pat the air while singing?) singing like they were trying to poo, and I patiently waited, on 30x Sky fast forward, for Dame Elton to perform some of his wonderful hits, but none were forthcoming.

Whatever happened to talented performers as event hosts, as in the days of Sir Brucie or Bob Monkhouse.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The "Win a Million" free scratch card newspaper inserts

One of those three-panel "Win a Million" scratchcards fell out of my newspaper this morning. Not a major or in anyway newsworthy event in itself, but I must admit my surprise. I didn't think anyone bothered with them anymore, or, to be a little more technical, I didn't think anyone was taken in by them anymore. Firstly, it actually is printed on the bottom of each panel that "Every card has a set of 3 matching symbols, 2 matching symbols and no matching symbols". Right, so you are going to 'win', half-win and not win respectively. Then, while the prize list is somewhat impressive with 1x£1m, 1x£100k, 2x£20k, 3x£10k and other things like holidays, tablet PC's city breaks all the way down to 1000 "faux" fashion watches, 1000 salon  makeovers and 1000xVIP Thames cruises. Now should I be stupid enough to spend the £1.53 a minute for the 6 minute phone call to claim my prize (that's almost a tenner, for those of you without cal...
2 comments
Read more

Chancellor's letter of apology to Bob Diamond of Barclays

Thanks to my contacts at the new News International business "Phonetaps'R'Us", I was exclusively sent a copy of a letter sent to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, Bob Diamond, from the Chancellor yesterday. "Dear Bob Trusting you and yours are well. Listen mate. Sorry the F inancially S tupid A sses wrote to your bank yesterday to demand £290million as a fine. It's nothing personal, and just because your bank head office people are a bunch of dishonest, thieving bastards, I thought there was no reason to carry on that way and fine you. I made this clear to the FSA yesterday as soon as I heard the news. I told them that the taxpayer would have been more than happy to bail you out. And also. Look mate. Sorry you've had to give up your bonus this year. It must have come as quite a shock, and was a wonderful thing for you to volunteer to do. I only hope you've put something by from the £17million you received last year. No doubt the bank pay...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Q". My name is Bond. Oh. not THAT Q.

I was sent a story today by a friend who knows my feelings on the subject - that is, about one of the consummately greatest of all British activities, namely, queuing. It seems some Danish Professor or other has come up with the theory that those who queue the longest should actually be served the last. He claims it makes purchasing something altogether more efficient and smooth through the idea of 'contra-queuing' (whatever the devil that may mean). 'Serve the people at the back of the queue first', he says, with profound wisdom. Altogether very professorial, albeit demonstrating a somewhat keen lack of understanding of the purchasing psyche. The Nobel Prize-chasing Prof suggests that if, for example, a popular entertainment act was to announce a tour, with tickets going on sale at 11am one morning, using the theory of 'contra-queuing', no one will want to be first to buy said tickets. So no one will turn up 14 months in advance and venues will...
2 comments
Read more