The Grumpy Old Blog

January The new 2 nd January “ Shove the unwanted crap you received as presents for Christmas on eBay Day ” proves very successful Easter eggs go on sale in supermarkets, many left over from last year with a best-before date of 15 March 2029 Jeremy Corbyn announces he is to be the leader of the newly formed “ Lederhosen Party ” and aims to attract people who are there but who don’t think they are involved A contestant on a quiz show shocks the nation by naming a past winner of “ The Voice ” Amazon announce a raft of virtual reality wage increases for staff President Trump makes it illegal for anyone to refer to a fart as a “ trump ” The great DFS sale begins February David Lammy is announced as the new host of “ Sorry I haven’t a Clue ” on Radio 4 The National Lottery increases the number of balls to 89 in line with the increase of the CEO’s annual salary to £6milllion The new “ Whack the Fare (WTF) ” initiative for cheap intercity rail travel to London sees a s...

The Royal Variety Performance - a decided variety in lack of talent Well. I decided to watch the Royal Variety I had recorded on Sunday (makes sense to have recorded it on Sunday, as that is the date it was transmitted) last night, there being "not a lot"© on. (©Paul Daniels) I managed to watch this year's very piss-poor 2¾ marathon effort (even the shots of His Majesty laughing saw him just doing this to be polite to the comedians) in 30 minutes, my single longest attentive span on natural speed playback being the excellent "Oliver" stage production excerpt. I did get rather excited when Stephen Mulhern, returning to magic for his guest spot, made Amanda "Lips" Holden disappear. However, much to my total disappointment and despondency, this disappearance wasn't permanent, and very sadly, she returned. Penn and Teller were worse than awful, and while I tend to watch comedienne Ellie Taylor for everything except her jokes, her repeated usage of ...

 I was fascinated by the informative "Photdump" article on Page 12 of the January edition of "The Oldie" written by Richard Godwin. I suspect Richard is NOT an "Oldie", as he is a user of modern-day, over-utilised, nonsensical "Amaricanese". I have been a very effusive photographer all my life, one time even annoying the NUJ by taking photographs myself to illustrate my magazine articles. However, I never once submitted, have had, or held onto a "whole bunch of photographs". A "considerable collection" or "numerous photographs at one time" yes, perhaps so. Never a "bunch", which tends to be reserved to describe the collective gathering of cut flowers I occasionally buy a loved one. However, by "bunching" photographs, they would most certainly become considerably crumpled, totally unusable if traditionally printed, or indeed very "inter pixellated" were they to be "bunched" toge...

  With potential change-of-job time of year on the horizon, here are some answers to the age-old standard question every good ( 🤣 🤣 🤮 ) HR person asks at an interview. "What do you feel you can bring to the business?" 1. On a Friday, a 12-portion Black Forest Gateaux 2. Class A drugs that we can split the proceed from on a 50/50 basis 3. A very loud klaxon (Nigel Farage - he's the MP for Klaxon isn't he?) that is triggered every time someone says "basically", "obviously", "literally", "reach out", uses "super" as either an adverb or adjective or tells a customer "We take such issues very seriously" 4. A proper personnel manager who will do what you currently do far more efficiently and effectively, but on half the salary 5. Will run sessions to teach staff how to pronounce the "h" at the beginning of a word that begins with "h", the "g" at the end of a gerund and any "t...