The joy of voting in the local election in the UK

Just back from performing my civic duty, although I was quite upset to see no Monster Raving Loony Party candidates on the ballot. As you can see from the photo, it didn't get off to a spectacularly good start at the polling station. Presumably, it was a helpful prospective local councillor covering all angles . . . or entrances/exits (there was only one, and that was to the left).

Managed to pick up the local pedestrian, as opposed to bus, lunatic on the way. Like a fool, when he asked where I was going, I said "to vote", to which he replied "so am I pal, I'll walk with you".

He was full of enlightening and vital information, or as it might otherwise be more correctly termed, conspiracy theories. It was a wonderful list. Unusually for me I just nodded and let him get on with it. The breadth of his knowledge on current affairs was fantastic, albeit in a very Captain Fantastic and the Dirt Brown Cowboy sort of fashion. How people reach such incredible heights of ignorance would defy even the most highly-qualified academic.

1. Yes, the phone mast we passed (it was a sewer vent, but there was no point in letting facts get in the way) on the way to the polling station is 5G and is killing us

2. Yes, all councils are bringing in the 15-minute rule and we will all not be allowed to drive further than 15 minutes from home (where ARE they getting this nonsense from!?!?!? He's not the first.)

3. Yes, the ID system was "brilliantly" brought in to prevent Muslims from voting because they all cheat. That one did annoy me. I did try to explain that there are people out there of all and no persuasions who target people with either disabilities or English as their second language in order to steal their vote to elect a certain candidate and that it is called "vote rigging". When he asked me what "English as a second language" meant, I knew I was on hiding to nothing.

4. Yes, it doesn't matter how many candidates they allow you to vote for (it was three for us), on the "ballet" (sic) paper, they all get in and are paid over £50,000 a year each.

I don't know about being allowed to vote, but this chap needs, in Monty Python fashion, his head nailing to the coffee table.