Eurovision - the musical equivalent of Marmite

As I write this, there are only seven hours to go until a year until Eurovision 2024. 

Yes, we'll have the tabloids shouting "Livertastic" and The Metro quoting some idiotic soshul influenza nonentity in tears, sobbing how "like, super brilliant" and how "like, super happy" she is, while toting some illegal derma filler she's promoting to her flock of sheep for a vast fee under the guise of "like, all her own, like, super work".

Also as I write, the BBC are winding up their language booths to provide a translation service for what the BBC presenters are saying about how "exih-id" they are with Eurovision from their version of English into a version of English the rest of the population can understand. Sadly, the time has now run out for viewers to obtain the free Eurovision anti-glare spectacles to guard against the dangerous light rays reflected back from Rylan's teeth.

It has united the main UK political parties that the otherwise "apolitical" Eurovision, run by the European Broadcasting Union (EBU), together with the BBC and some 40 other broadcasters, are otherwise happy to allow Putin-sympathetic contestants to wave their Hamas flags, but won't allow the President of last year's winner, Ukraine, to make a statement to the democratic world.

Sadly, the Greens are upset that Just Stop Oil won't be allowed to glue themselves to the Beatles statue on Pier Head opposite the venue. Although the public would like to see just Stop Oil glueing themselves to the exterior of the 23:00 car ferry to Dublin.

As usual, a high standard of lyrics, music, dance and dress code is expected this evening. Plenty of 4/4 timings, 120 beats to the bar, coupled with great opportunities for all to sing along to happy, memorable songs. But that's enough about tonight's after-hours lock-in at Lanigans Irish Bar on Ranelagh Street.

In case you missed it, here are a few of the UK entries that didn't win British knock-out heats :

Mick and the Train Mechanics - "Silent Running (extremely)"
Aslef and the RMTs - "Off the Rails"
Chardonnay - "I'm drinkin and smokin' innit"
The Duty Frees - "Cig Isle! Putin"
Ike and the Keas - "Wratten to the Cork"
The Car Booters - "I'll give you 50p"
Jez and the Momentums - "Being there but not involved"

Enjoy!