The Grumpy Old Blog

The BNP announced its Euro election manifesto this morning, despite most members of the party being unable to spell either ‘election’ or ‘manifesto’. Following a European ruling, it has dramatically changed the way it operates, having taken election guidance provided by the Commission specially for totally odious and objectionable political parties. The main BNP party leaders, headed by leader Adolf Griffin, Heinrich Barnpott and Bunny Hitler, gave a press conference earlier this morning. Revealing their new plans, the party has decided the following. Membership is now open to any member of the community, irrespective of their race, colour or creed, providing they are white, Anglo-Saxon and Protestant, although Catholics may be admitted in extreme circumstances. The BNP has totally changed their stance on immigration, saying that neither race, colour, creed nor ethnicity should be a bar to entering the country for social, domestic or employment purposes, provided t...

So, let me get this right. 1. Barclays rigged Libor rates. 2. They missold customers in excess of £4billion of products, including PPI and interest rate swaps . 3. They have made a £329 million loss at their investment arm that has since put aside £2.37billion for bonuses "to retain the best" (presumably the same 'best' that helped them lose £329m) 4. They lost Tom Bower's family heirloom jewellery, claiming they didn't receive two recorded delivery letters sent to them and have no video evidence of anything. 5. They are making 7,000 ordinary banking workers redundant 6. You apply for a loan or credit card with Barclays for, say, £500 7. They run a credit check on you

Well, it had to happen. A journalist somewhere was bound to announce that we have had all the seasons in one day. Now despite this, some of the other seasons tend to often get neglected, and in an attempt to bring you some of them, here they are: We’re used to hearing about the Camping Season , which for Scouts runs from approximately 31st March to 31st October each year, although for Alan Carr, the camping season lasts all year. Accompanied by extremely terrible jokes. Then there’s the Caravan Season , where Jeremy Clarkson spends 6 months with high blood pressure as he tries to overtake them on the A38 in an excruciatingly expensive and completely unnecessary car that no one can afford. The Japanese have their Scientific Season, which is a series of sporadic weeks where they slaughter endangered whales for scientific research, the results of which seem to be a closely guarded world secret. This season now looks set, thanks to a group of ...

The preparations for the by-election in Manchester's Wythenshawe and Sale ward to replace popular Labour MP Paul Goggins, who died last month are now in full swing. To help voters choose, I have a summary below to assist: Conservatives - their candidate Justin Ponsenby-Smithers-Farquarson is in ebullient mood despite the possibility he might only achieve 8th place out of the seven candidates who are campaigning. A blue tent has been erected outside the main polling station on the M56 which will be serving strawberries and cream. Unfortunately, no one has the heart to tell Mr. Ponsenby-Smithers-Farquarson that it is in fact a by-election and not a regional heat for Wimbledon and that the main polling station is not on the M56 Labour - their candidate, Mona Ledzeppelin, is campaigning hard on a "Help Bob Crow emigrate" ticket. Proving very popular and could be a potential high vote winner. She has  promised that if she is elected she will campaign hard for the national a...