Spring is in the air

  

Brilliant! February may not quite be finished, but spring MUST be on the way, as the first leaflets 'spring' through the door for the 4th May local elections.

Almost 10 weeks to go, and some Labour oik who I have never heard of or ever seen before is having a go at gaining my vote. I have every faith that the respective Conservative and LibDem oiks as well the one of five-a-day, thoroughly detestable Greens will be shoving their recyclables through my letterbox soon too.

I don't know why, but my paper recycling bin is to the left of my front door. Just cut out the middle man - me - and put your electioneering rubbish straight in the bin.

Unlike some friends of mine who have become councillors, with their hard work benefiting the residents of places such as Swinton, Crumpsall and Prestwich, I am not interested in some oik whom I have never seen before, with his ridiculous footballer haircut and man bun, and a stupid curtain-ring earring in both ears, representing me. I would really prefer to be represented by someone whose at least looks like his IQ goes into double figures.

Yes, his leaflet was lovely. It was glossy, and had some photographs in it, of which only three were dreadfully composed. It even contained some lovely words with, out of respect to some constituents, precious few multi-syllables. And only three grammatical/spelling errors (however, someone really needs to tell him, as a real matter of urgency, that it's Sir Keir and not Sir Kier).

Now in fairness, I should point out that the local council, comprised of some 60 members, some of which are no doubt very limp, includes 26 Conservative, 19 Labour and 5 Liberal Democrats, the latter maintaining their nationwide policy whereby their elected members must conveniently fit into a single people carrier. The remaining 10 councillors are a host of independents (thankfully, not a Green in sight) who do actually try to put the people first. Well, you have to, especially if you're trying to cross a very busy main road.

However, they are all missing the point. It's all very well "representing the view of local people, working for local people" and all the other stuff they claim to do for local people. They way they are carrying on, they won't have a town left to council over!

As the largest town that is not a city in the UK, Bolton is about to lose its Marks and Sparks. During the week, there are more traffic wardens than shoppers, and most of the shops that have remained open have more assistants than customers.

For starters, get rid of the unnecessary double yellow lines (presumably one of the councillors runs a road line painting operation - I can see no other reason), get small businesses into the tens of unoccupied shops on a profit-sharing basis rather than leaving them empty and unappealing. Advertise the incredible museum that no one seems to know about. Utilise the large open spaces in the town centre for more than just the annual Christmas and Valentine's markets and the odd food fest.