Skip to main content

Sell-by date, er, I mean use-by date.

Your fresh groceries are safe in Sainsbury's hands! They are throwing all that HR can handle at training, assuring that their grocery online shoppers are trained to pick the longest date. They actually (I was going to say "in reality, they" but what HR person lives in reality?) mean "pickers" but let's not split hairs here. This, after all, is the wild and wacky world of HR!

The difference between a "shopper" and a "picker" must pose a terrible strain on the average HR person's comprehension of the world of retail groceries when factoring in the almost Nobel Prize-winning concept that shoppers do in fact become pickers when shopping!

This training must have tapped the deepest recesses of HR at Sainsbury's. The difference between "sell by" and "use by" dates must be one of life's mind-warping quandaries that shakes the deepest neurological nooks and crannies of even the most mentally astute HR director and his assistant, usually named Chardonnay, which is a strange name for a man, but hey, Eddie Izzard has rewritten the first name manual.

But, if you will, picture the actual full day's training (in typical HR fashion, 4 minutes of training dragged out to fill the two days the HR directorate allotted to the training session).

VOPHRD (Vastly Overpaid HR Director): "Right guys*, let's examine dates on packages"
(* hip use of the term "guys" to appeal to the modern internet-age worker)
HSL (Homer Simpson Lookalike): "Duh! Errr I thought dates came IN trays from the Middle East"
VOPHRD: (Laughing extremely patronisingly) "Thank you Tarquin.

"Now, date training (giving Tarquin an icy "Vin Diesel tied up by the baddies and connected to a car battery"-type stare). Now, please look at the two packets of celery in front of you.

"The first one has the date 23rd June, the second, 26th June. Because 26 is greater than 23, it means the one marked 26th June is the freshest. However, don't be fooled.

"If you were to come across a packet with 2nd July on, just because it is a "2" (in this case July) it does not mean it is less fresh than one marked 26 (in our case June).

If there is any doubt, please consult a calendar to see the order in which months appear during the year.

Thank you. Now pass around the cyanoacrylate glue, please. We're going to have a bonding session. Or, we have ropes and flagellation equipment and can have a bondage session instead, if you prefer."

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Airport amusement

There is no doubt that airports can be quite amusing places. That is apart from being told by a burly security supervisor at the x-ray gate that thanks to the only contribution Yasser Arafat ever made to society, I had to remove my belt, shoes, watch and place my AK-47 in the tray provided. Watching people going around their travel ‘business’ in airports and on board the aircraft is hilarious. There are those who are plainly not very good at it, continually checking all manner of minutiae with the other members of the party. “Do we go to the gate?”, “Have we time for a beer?”, “I MUST get a pizza”. There are those who have plainly not done it much before and like their fellow travellers to be made fully aware of the exact opposite, as they point and gesture to the monitor shouting out their destination and boarding gate at every passing opportunity to one and all around them. There are those who think they are something special – despite the fact they are travelling via bu...
Post a Comment
Read more

Are Camelot dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy?

There can be no denying that UK lottery operators Camelot are on to a good thing. Especially the overpaid management. They have been reaping the benefits of the franchise for years now - a franchise that in essence, has been licenced by the government to print money. However, I can't quite make up my mind whether the management of the Lotto are dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy, although the cynic in me answers the question when I consider the chief Executive of Camelot was complaining last year that the annual bonus on her not inconsiderable 7-figure salary had been reduced (conveniently forgetting her 18 year sojourn to date at Camelot has produced a pension we mere mortals can only dream about. How about the poor soldiers, CEO Dianne Thompson, who come back from the far-east minus a leg and have to legally fight for compensation that doesn't even touch what you earn less than a month? And they don't receive CBE's for their troubles either !). Irres...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why your kids never reply to your mobile communications

A frequent topic of conversation among my own peer group of retired and semi-retired wrinklies is regarding Millennials (born 1981 to 2000) and early Generation Z (2001 to 2020) and their ability to be glued to their mobiles 24/7, yet never replying in a timely manner to a communication from their older kith and kin. They don't reply, yet will gladly get it touch immediately with their own peers to ask, "Do you follow Chardonnay Moron on 'Insta' - she's soooo cool". Yes, cool, but otherwise clueless, and usually an inept, Beluga-lipped, tattooed moron who prefers to spout total crap on 'soshul meeja' on topics they in reality know absolutely nothing, using this as a job, instead of actually working gainfully for a living. " Like, follow and share " are the only three words these wastes of space know. Yet they are the new Messiahs of the Millennials and Gen Z, and woe betide any Millennials or Gen Z who might miss one single word - spelt wron...
Post a Comment
Read more