Well, the Wokists have had two weeks over the holiday to ruminate over the delights they are bound to hit us all with tomorrow, the first "real" day back at work. I wonder what feats of wonderment they will have in store for us all.
Here are some inspirational thoughts if you are a Wokist and struggling.
1. "White" Christmas - you need to set the record straight for Bing.
2. Expanding the line from Michael Jackson's song "It don't matter if you're black or white" as well as the John Kongos – Tokoloshe Man and Gary Moore - Out in the Fields song lyrics "It makes no difference if you're black or if you're white". Use a rhyming dictionary if you struggle with matching up "LGBTQ" and "Sam Smith" with something
3. You have until 20th April to come up with some reason to spoil Easter for everyone (get your skates on Birmingham Council - you seem to champion ruining normal people's fun)
4. Changing the name of the "Mamas and the Papas" and Welsh rockers "Man" to something more suitable. Also revisiting the highly unwoke group name "Brotherhood of Man" - not wishing to spoil your fun, but perhaps "Personhood of Person"
5. Something must surely irritate in your "Health and Safety" rules that needs changing.
6. Renaming the shelf-talkers in the lingerie departments of various retailers.
7. Asking Currys to change their brand name so as not to cause offence when someone claims that had a "Bad Curry's experience"". Can't have the proprietors of establishments along the Curry Mile up in arms can we? I (Can I still call it the "Curry Mile"?)
One of those three-panel "Win a Million" scratchcards fell out of my newspaper this morning. Not a major or in anyway newsworthy event in itself, but I must admit my surprise. I didn't think anyone bothered with them anymore, or, to be a little more technical, I didn't think anyone was taken in by them anymore. Firstly, it actually is printed on the bottom of each panel that "Every card has a set of 3 matching symbols, 2 matching symbols and no matching symbols". Right, so you are going to 'win', half-win and not win respectively. Then, while the prize list is somewhat impressive with 1x£1m, 1x£100k, 2x£20k, 3x£10k and other things like holidays, tablet PC's city breaks all the way down to 1000 "faux" fashion watches, 1000 salon makeovers and 1000xVIP Thames cruises. Now should I be stupid enough to spend the £1.53 a minute for the 6 minute phone call to claim my prize (that's almost a tenner, for those of you without cal...
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