Diary of a UK A&E visit

 

Headed off to A&E at Bolton with a stomach ulcer (to be confirmed, although medical staff suspected same from the "tarry" state of my presented human remains, delicately gift-wrapped in a ZipLok bag) at 7.45 Monday, c/o phone call with emergency doctor telling me to go immediately to hospital, not to pass "Go" and not to collect £200.

Had bloods taken at 22:45.

Enjoyed night sitting and dozing on wonderful, haemorrhoid-inducing metal chair in A&E with some 45 other overly-patient patients.

Gentleman arrived writhing in pain from a kidney stone at 12.30am and was allowed to comfortably writhe on the floor for 40 min before someone was free from clearing up from the gang warfare that people with nice clean knife wounds and their police "observers" were causing.

Gentleman with obvious issues wandering around the ward at 2.45am in a silver preservation blanket doing his impression of Father Jack from "Father Ted" ("Drink, drink, feck, drink" etc) while rearranging the right eyelid (not on purpose, but that is no excuse) of the hapless and wonderful nurse trying to help him and calm him down. He was convinced Barak Obama, and the two local MPs Mark Logan and Yasmin Qureshi were directly responsible for the crisis in the NHS nationally.

Elderly lady brought in with snapped crutch that had decorated her shoulder with an entrance wound to the front and an exit wound from the back. She was shipped off to surgery within 10 mins.

Young lad of 17 trying to obtain painkillers at 4.40am for his 5-day old headache that was plainly causing concern (it was revealed to him after an emergency X-Ray that all that was wrong with him was a bleed on the brain).

Chap wheeled in by paramedics with splint on his leg at 5.15. He had been decorating his lounge at 3.30am (lucky neighbours) and had fallen through and off his ladder. Paramedics who brought him in asked if our small forlorn group sitting together were OK, and without being asked to, disappeared off for 15 mins to then return with tea and toast for us.

Security guard explained lack of TV to keep us amused (the TVs kept getting borrowed by local souvenir hunters, despite being minus their remote controls) and metal chairs (replacing the previous, more comfortable, padded-seat chairs that locals were utilising to sharpen their knives on). Security guard also explained that the people who had undertaken this this activity rarely, if ever, appear in the New Year Honours' list.

Corridors packed with more serious patients on trolleys.

My results discussed with doctor at 12.00 Tuesday.

Further blood test taken.

Second comparison blood test results discussed at 14:10 and I was thrown out with a promised phone call to come on Thursday about going in for a camera down the throat. Hoping it's not a digital SLR with zoom lens or a broadcast quality Sony TV camera.

The one thing of note is that I met some wonderful people and we became a sort of instant family, sharing our travails together.

Have just arrived back home now 14:50 Tuesday, some 19 hours later.

PS - I should add that when I did see the doctor, and then, after with his consultant, they were both incredibly fabulous and thorough!