LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

A little bit of retail therapy was required this morning to keep the fridge and cupboard shelves happy and content.

So utterly depressing!

In the supermarket, two full rows of unimpressive Christmas tat out already, pushing the Halloween tat to the further end of the shop.

Why they think I need Christmas crackers, selection boxes with chocolate responsibly sourced from farmers in Ghana who are paid so much from the 2021 $7.24bn turnover of Cadbury owner Mondelez that they have to have their 12-year-old children splitting cocoa beans with dangerous 3-foot machetes because they can't afford either schooling or school books, is beyond me.

Or a very plasticated door holly wreath that looks like it is made in China (it is made in China - according to a David Dickinson-lookalike on Tik-Tok with no visible neck and built like an outside sh*t house, Mary, or was it Joseph, was Chinese and followed the three wise men, Wing, Wang and Wong to Bethlehem all the way from China).

And don't forget the biscuits for "Christmas Cheese" (is that cheese with added sanity clause?).

All on the 13th September. "Why?", is a very short question that comes to mind.

And equally why does Mrs Miggins want to buy a cheap, plastic witch's outfit and broomstick for her gender-confused 8-year-old child when there's 6 weeks to go to Halloween. A mystery.

I also exposed Amazon. My all-singing, all-dancing, solar charge, bluetooth-capable kitchen drainer made from solid silver, with diamond-tipped, titanium nuts and bolts, guaranteed to hold 70kg of washed dishes for £19.99, was proudly sitting on the shelf in Home Bargains for £12 under the strangely-named "Kitchen Solutions" brand. I thought bleach, or washing powder, when mixed with water in my washing machine, or tea with milk, was a solution! But what do I know?

And then I was hailed by a neighbour who offered me a lift home in the Hyundai Ioniq car he has been driving around for the week his boss is away.

He told me it cost more to run per mile using a charging station (he can't charge it at home) than it does his own current petrol Ford Fiesta.

Meanwhile, back at the mindlessly ridiculous mass-produced "limited editions" . . . . . . . .