Skip to main content

What's in a name?

I had a flashback to some 25 years ago when I worked in Guiseley, a small town just south of Otley (famous for Thomas Chippendale) in the Leeds Metropolitan Borough. It is famed for being the origin and headquarters of the world-famous Harry Ramsden's fish and chips, at one time "the world's biggest fish and chip restaurant" and connected to the parents of Harry "Sooty, Sweep and Sue" Corbett (as well as Silver Cross Prams, Shires Bathrooms, Greenwood's Menswear, Compton Lighting and Wendy Wools).

On one occasion I was in the then recently built, and at the time, flagship Morrison's Supermarket, a flagship to the extent that Sir Ken Morrison regularly turned up to service behind the deli counter. On that day, I was in the cash-out queue behind a young mother with her twin children in a double buggy (yes, it was a fine, locally-made, Silver Cross double-buggy!). Now bearing in mind this was before the digital revolution that now sees most young mothers blindly shoving their offspring in a pram while they have their heads stuck in their mobile phones, in those days, mothers used to actually interact with their children.

The boy was being rather 'boyish', doing a fabulous imitation of an octopus with the point-of-sale chocolate and sweet display, something his sister was emulating perhaps not as efficiently out of the other side of the perambulator. Without warning, the young mother screamed out "Kah-lee (Kylie) and Jeh-sun (Jason). If youse don't bleedin' stop it, yuose will get no sweets at all tonight. D'ya hear?" The entire supermarket heard.

The mother had clearly named her kids after the two leading characters of the then very popular Australian soap opera, 'Neighbours', namely Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan. What I was wondering was how this nomenclature has affected said children over the years now that they will be in their late 20's.

Thanks to the digital revolution and faux celebrity culture, young parents are often ensuring they are lumbering their children with such ball and chain names that will see their kids off to the deed poll office the moment they reach 18. What is happening is that these youngsters are giving their children names they actually can't pronounce themselves. There are now hordes of Bethanies who turn up at Brownies aged 7 suddenly realising their name is Bethany and not Beffaneee. Mahr-ins are discovering a previously unpronounced "t" in the middle of their name. And heaven help anyone called after the Northamptonshire town of "Keh-er-in" (Kettering).

There is also a lot to be said for the Jewish tradition of not naming a baby after a living relative. I remember a very close friend in school whose name, shall we say for simplicity, was John Jones. His dad was also John Jones, as was his grand-father. And they all shared the same house. Now as John (like myself) advanced through our early teens and John Jones (my friend and not his dad or grand-dad), as a quite good-looking lad, started to see an increase in the amount of "personal" post to his house from girlfriends and 'secret' admirers, St Valentine's cards, Christmas and and suchlike. Not only were these getting opened (with three John Jones in one house it was bound to happen) by mistake by his father and grand-father, but he was also opening John Jones letters not destined for him John Jones the complete Junior. This had the effect of causing untold grief and argument in said Jones household!

But I do believe some people seem to have a suicide pact with children's names. The Americans seem to compete with British celebrities to call their children after the first things that crosses their warped minds - a surname, a lift manufacturer, frozen food manufacturer, piece of DIY equipment or a starsign or tarot card. These are some of the more popular ridiculous ones for children from 2016 that really should see parents being sectioned:

BOYS
• Adler
• Attyson
• Bastian
• Blayde
• Chesney
• Draven
• Diesel
• Izander
• Jaydien
• Kierson
• Ryker
• Sincere
• Sketch
• Tulsa
• Tyce
• Zaiden
• Zebulon

GIRLS
• Annyston
• Brook'Lynn
• Brylee
• Copelia
• Cortlyn
• Fallyn
• Harvest
• Jerrika
• Joplyn
• Julissa
• Luxx
• Mahayla
• Midnight
• Sharpay
• Tayzia
• Tybee
• Xylethia
• Yankee


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Pirate Bay threatened with closure - doesn't affect me

Swedish file sharing website The Pirate Bay is now under threat following legal action by the British Phonographic Industry last December. They alleged that the website "infringes copyright on a massive scale” regarding the sharing of computer games, software, films and music. Point taken, and one can't for one minute deny that copyright is being infringed on quite a massive scale, not just on Pirate Bay, but all around the internet. However, with due respect to the originators of the shared files, I have never used Pirate Bay myself, except perhaps on very odd occasions for software, films and music. I never use Pirate Bay for software, because I prefer to pay an outlandish price for another seemingly pointless update to Microsoft Office that neither improves my speed nor productivity. And I am quite happy to part with hard earned cash to a company that has already earned a fortune from me - and others - with their updates over the years. And as for the recent update of Pho...

Airport amusement

There is no doubt that airports can be quite amusing places. That is apart from being told by a burly security supervisor at the x-ray gate that thanks to the only contribution Yasser Arafat ever made to society, I had to remove my belt, shoes, watch and place my AK-47 in the tray provided. Watching people going around their travel ‘business’ in airports and on board the aircraft is hilarious. There are those who are plainly not very good at it, continually checking all manner of minutiae with the other members of the party. “Do we go to the gate?”, “Have we time for a beer?”, “I MUST get a pizza”. There are those who have plainly not done it much before and like their fellow travellers to be made fully aware of the exact opposite, as they point and gesture to the monitor shouting out their destination and boarding gate at every passing opportunity to one and all around them. There are those who think they are something special – despite the fact they are travelling via bu...

Are Camelot dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy?

There can be no denying that UK lottery operators Camelot are on to a good thing. Especially the overpaid management. They have been reaping the benefits of the franchise for years now - a franchise that in essence, has been licenced by the government to print money. However, I can't quite make up my mind whether the management of the Lotto are dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy, although the cynic in me answers the question when I consider the chief Executive of Camelot was complaining last year that the annual bonus on her not inconsiderable 7-figure salary had been reduced (conveniently forgetting her 18 year sojourn to date at Camelot has produced a pension we mere mortals can only dream about. How about the poor soldiers, CEO Dianne Thompson, who come back from the far-east minus a leg and have to legally fight for compensation that doesn't even touch what you earn less than a month? And they don't receive CBE's for their troubles either !). Irres...