Thursday, 22 December 2016

The word-abusing lunatics are taking over the language asylum

A few years ago, some unbelievable, half-witted numbskull invented the altogether irritatingly meaningless term 'pre-loved'. As a term, it is so frighteningly and shamefully stupid that whoever invented it really needs to be either forced to re-sit a national English examination, or made to sit in a dark room and listen to a Little Mix interview played over and over again.

A couple of years ago, the financial news correspondents on television and in newspapers were cock-a-hoop about the economy and banking institutions having, needing or wanting a 'haircut'. More meaningless nonsense. Unless there was an inference that the overpaid clots in finance who brought the UK to its knees in 2008 with their abject greed were barbers. Which is not really very fair to the purveyors of scissors and combs who attempt to keep the nation's hair in order.

As 2016 comes to a close, those in the media and the people they interview have been busy-busy making 'binary' decisions or doing 'binary' things. More utter bull.

Do these people not realise how stupid they appear to the ordinary users of normal, plain English? There is absolutely nothing clever about their usage of stupid, meaningless terms to dress up the oral rubbish they are peddling. They have totally lost the plot in acknowledging that a spade is simply nothing more than a spade.

And all the interesting men with beards on TV and the equally interesting vegan anti-fracking women who speak a totally different form of English to the rest of us are now wittering on about 'post-truth'. Pardon? You may fool those who watch your antics on minority daytime TV programmes with nodding-dog presenters, but you are only fooling us in as much as we haven't a foggy clue what you are on about!

Meanwhile the advertisers are attempting to look smart with their nonsensical/meaningless straplines, many of which rely on using the adjective "happy" as a noun. Gala Bingo with their "play happy", Rightmove with their "find your happy" and Jacobs with their "snack happy". The best of all, however, must be Febreze, a product specifically designed for no other reason than to part women from their money (when they could open a window in their house to far cheaper and equal freshening effect), not only suggests we "breathe happy" (whatever that means) but that we do it as a result of being "noseblind" (whatever that may be).

However, the plaudit for nonsense and the award for 2016 crapology of the year has to go to agency J. Walter Thompson of London. They have beaten all the English language-abusers with the following unbelievably meaningless terms:
un-tabooing of womanood
distilled fog

new witches

I can't offer you a monetary reward, but if anyone can explain any of the above, you are plainly a better bullcrap merchant that JWT.

It's not pre-loved, it's not for a haircut and it it nothing to do with the off or on, zero or one function that is binary! And as for post-truth . . . . . . . 'tell lies happy'.

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