Nigel Ferago of UKIP enlists Eyjafjallajokull volcano for his election campaign

Launching their election manifesto (which the rather nasty and quite bigoted Green party insist on calling a person-ifesto) Mr Nigel Ferago of UKIP claimed to now be “firing on all cylinders”, unlike local councils that are just firing.

Election manifestos are now also on the way from the Monster Raving Looney Party (half a side of A5), the Monty Python Silly Party (written on the back of a fag packet) and Islamic State (written on pieces of human skin, formerly one continuous piece belonging to suicide bomb lecturer Ahmed Shortbrain of Dewsbury).

The Dyslexic Party are due to lunch their mafinesto laret this atefrnoon.

In an interview with a chap called Evan Davies – who Mr Ferago says he doesn't really want to speak to if he can avoid it because he thinks he might just be an illegal Welsh immigrant on account of his name – he claims that the best way to stop the country’s productive peurility and manufacturing malaise is to ban all imports from everywhere.

Mr  Ferago went on to claim that he has now enlisted the help of Eyjafjallajokull, the Icelandic volcano, on account of the fact that it once did a far better job of keeping immigrants out of the Iceland in only five days than all the mainsteam UK political parties had collectively ever done in the past 300 years.

In keeping with other political parties during an impending election campaign, Mr Ferago then went on to spout all the usual rubbish, although uncharacteristically for a politician, he didn’t provide answers for questions he wasn’t asked. He said he would be leaving that to Mr Camerouns, Mr Millipede and that awfully nice but rather dim chap from Sheffield called Whatshisname.

Evan Davies disagreed with everything Mr Ferago said, although he did concede that Mr Whatshisname was indeed a rather nice but dim chap from Sheffield.

Unlike John Virgo, the former Middle-Heavyweight snooker champion, who is a rather interesting man from Salford.