Skip to main content

Is your mission statement decent, truthful, achievable and representative?


If I see one more company mission statement where they say it is “to exceed customer expectation”, I think I will possibly throw up.

Everyone is so busy “exceeding customer expectations”, that I’m surprised anyone has time for anything else, let alone making a profit and a living.

I had three occasions today where I am actually extremely glad the companies in question did not exceed my expectations too much, otherwise I would have been quite angry.

#1 - Apple Stores

My expectation with Apple was to be ripped off, their prices being at least 30% more in the UK than they are in the USA, mainly because stupid UK shoppers refuse to shop with their wallets and support them by queuing outside for products they don’t really need but nevertheless want. I am glad they did not exceed my expectation by ripping me off 40% instead.

#2 - RyanAir

My expectation booking a flight with RyanAir was that by the time I reached the ‘checkout’, my advertised £13.99 flight to Dublin would cost me at least £49. They exceeded my expectation, through all their statutory extras and the couple of optional extras I had to take, by £8, the flight total costing me £57.

#3 – Moto motorway stopover

My expectation for a UK motorway stopover was that petrol would be at least 10p more expensive than on the high street, and that a cup of tea and a sandwich would see me being ripped-off beyond belief. They exceeded my expectation, because petrol was 12p per litre pricier than the high street, and the cup of plasticated tea was even more expensive that I thought.

I passed on the sandwich though, refusing to part with £4.95 for something that looked like a sheet of off-colour polystyrene nestling between two slices of bread pretending to be a cheese sandwich.

If you are going to develop a mission statement, don’t just get it from some £1,500 a day consultant on his day off from conning the government. He only buys it off the shelf from “Exceeding Customer Expectations ‘Я’Us LLP” anyway.

Be sensible. If you are a wholesaler, instead of exceeding customer expectations, why don’t you “provide quality products you can make consistently more profit from”.

Or if you are a taxi firm, “transport the customer to their destination cost-effectively and on time”.

Just give the “exceeding expectation” thing a rest, ok, will you?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Airport amusement

There is no doubt that airports can be quite amusing places. That is apart from being told by a burly security supervisor at the x-ray gate that thanks to the only contribution Yasser Arafat ever made to society, I had to remove my belt, shoes, watch and place my AK-47 in the tray provided. Watching people going around their travel ‘business’ in airports and on board the aircraft is hilarious. There are those who are plainly not very good at it, continually checking all manner of minutiae with the other members of the party. “Do we go to the gate?”, “Have we time for a beer?”, “I MUST get a pizza”. There are those who have plainly not done it much before and like their fellow travellers to be made fully aware of the exact opposite, as they point and gesture to the monitor shouting out their destination and boarding gate at every passing opportunity to one and all around them. There are those who think they are something special – despite the fact they are travelling via bu...

Are Camelot dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy?

There can be no denying that UK lottery operators Camelot are on to a good thing. Especially the overpaid management. They have been reaping the benefits of the franchise for years now - a franchise that in essence, has been licenced by the government to print money. However, I can't quite make up my mind whether the management of the Lotto are dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy, although the cynic in me answers the question when I consider the chief Executive of Camelot was complaining last year that the annual bonus on her not inconsiderable 7-figure salary had been reduced (conveniently forgetting her 18 year sojourn to date at Camelot has produced a pension we mere mortals can only dream about. How about the poor soldiers, CEO Dianne Thompson, who come back from the far-east minus a leg and have to legally fight for compensation that doesn't even touch what you earn less than a month? And they don't receive CBE's for their troubles either !). Irres...

Why your kids never reply to your mobile communications

A frequent topic of conversation among my own peer group of retired and semi-retired wrinklies is regarding Millennials (born 1981 to 2000) and early Generation Z (2001 to 2020) and their ability to be glued to their mobiles 24/7, yet never replying in a timely manner to a communication from their older kith and kin. They don't reply, yet will gladly get it touch immediately with their own peers to ask, "Do you follow Chardonnay Moron on 'Insta' - she's soooo cool". Yes, cool, but otherwise clueless, and usually an inept, Beluga-lipped, tattooed moron who prefers to spout total crap on 'soshul meeja' on topics they in reality know absolutely nothing, using this as a job, instead of actually working gainfully for a living. " Like, follow and share " are the only three words these wastes of space know. Yet they are the new Messiahs of the Millennials and Gen Z, and woe betide any Millennials or Gen Z who might miss one single word - spelt wron...