Skip to main content

Is your mission statement decent, truthful, achievable and representative?


If I see one more company mission statement where they say it is “to exceed customer expectation”, I think I will possibly throw up.

Everyone is so busy “exceeding customer expectations”, that I’m surprised anyone has time for anything else, let alone making a profit and a living.

I had three occasions today where I am actually extremely glad the companies in question did not exceed my expectations too much, otherwise I would have been quite angry.

#1 - Apple Stores

My expectation with Apple was to be ripped off, their prices being at least 30% more in the UK than they are in the USA, mainly because stupid UK shoppers refuse to shop with their wallets and support them by queuing outside for products they don’t really need but nevertheless want. I am glad they did not exceed my expectation by ripping me off 40% instead.

#2 - RyanAir

My expectation booking a flight with RyanAir was that by the time I reached the ‘checkout’, my advertised £13.99 flight to Dublin would cost me at least £49. They exceeded my expectation, through all their statutory extras and the couple of optional extras I had to take, by £8, the flight total costing me £57.

#3 – Moto motorway stopover

My expectation for a UK motorway stopover was that petrol would be at least 10p more expensive than on the high street, and that a cup of tea and a sandwich would see me being ripped-off beyond belief. They exceeded my expectation, because petrol was 12p per litre pricier than the high street, and the cup of plasticated tea was even more expensive that I thought.

I passed on the sandwich though, refusing to part with £4.95 for something that looked like a sheet of off-colour polystyrene nestling between two slices of bread pretending to be a cheese sandwich.

If you are going to develop a mission statement, don’t just get it from some £1,500 a day consultant on his day off from conning the government. He only buys it off the shelf from “Exceeding Customer Expectations ‘Я’Us LLP” anyway.

Be sensible. If you are a wholesaler, instead of exceeding customer expectations, why don’t you “provide quality products you can make consistently more profit from”.

Or if you are a taxi firm, “transport the customer to their destination cost-effectively and on time”.

Just give the “exceeding expectation” thing a rest, ok, will you?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The "Win a Million" free scratch card newspaper inserts

One of those three-panel "Win a Million" scratchcards fell out of my newspaper this morning. Not a major or in anyway newsworthy event in itself, but I must admit my surprise. I didn't think anyone bothered with them anymore, or, to be a little more technical, I didn't think anyone was taken in by them anymore. Firstly, it actually is printed on the bottom of each panel that "Every card has a set of 3 matching symbols, 2 matching symbols and no matching symbols". Right, so you are going to 'win', half-win and not win respectively. Then, while the prize list is somewhat impressive with 1x£1m, 1x£100k, 2x£20k, 3x£10k and other things like holidays, tablet PC's city breaks all the way down to 1000 "faux" fashion watches, 1000 salon  makeovers and 1000xVIP Thames cruises. Now should I be stupid enough to spend the £1.53 a minute for the 6 minute phone call to claim my prize (that's almost a tenner, for those of you without cal...

Chancellor's letter of apology to Bob Diamond of Barclays

Thanks to my contacts at the new News International business "Phonetaps'R'Us", I was exclusively sent a copy of a letter sent to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, Bob Diamond, from the Chancellor yesterday. "Dear Bob Trusting you and yours are well. Listen mate. Sorry the F inancially S tupid A sses wrote to your bank yesterday to demand £290million as a fine. It's nothing personal, and just because your bank head office people are a bunch of dishonest, thieving bastards, I thought there was no reason to carry on that way and fine you. I made this clear to the FSA yesterday as soon as I heard the news. I told them that the taxpayer would have been more than happy to bail you out. And also. Look mate. Sorry you've had to give up your bonus this year. It must have come as quite a shock, and was a wonderful thing for you to volunteer to do. I only hope you've put something by from the £17million you received last year. No doubt the bank pay...

Teen music goes full circle - from long-haired louts to screamers

I confess to being somewhat amused. Remembering back to my youth, the music of the day, with albums (the vinyl type) toted around school under arms, tended to be by the untidy long-haired, wailing a set of completely nonsensical lyrics loudly into a microphone, with a couple of interruptions by a seemingly endless guitar solo. Names such as Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Yes, Genesis, Blodwyn Pig, Blind Faith, Cream, Traffic, Spencer Davis with the 4-minute wonders provided by the Rolling Stones and Status Quo. Strangely, these bands or their members are still going strong up to 50 years later! And yes, they mostly wrote all their own material and played their own instruments. And my dad hated most of them, thinking they all sounded the same (although, as a man in his mid 80's before his passing away a couple of years ago, he enjoyed the Electric Light Orchestra, Ian Dury and Queen. And unashamedly, the album of cover songs by Ozzy Osborne). Today, the wailing has now become ...