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Royal baby blues . . . .

I'm just back from visiting Meghan and Harry. Great afternoon. Boy, they had you all fooled! We laughed about the press hotly debating whether "the new baby was born at home" or "the new baby was born in hospital". He was actually born in a special birthing suite in Claridges using Thai silk towels and hot bottled Buxton water.

They had decided to ban the "Meghan went into Labour" stuff because of the row over Antisemitism. As it happens, Mr Corbyn was neither there nor involved. Harry was on great form about the ongoing naming speculation. He has already consulted his Granny, and has confirmed that although he's quite a Kardcashincan/Kanyaaaaaee fan, they won't be calling young Sussex either North, South, East, West or even the slightly Prussian Countyov.

Her Gracious Royal Majesty the Queen had been driven there by the Duke of Edinburgh, who sadly didn't make it to the birth as he was parking the Range Rover in the wall of the adjoining property at the time. Nigel Farage had been in earlier, but his jokes about lineage, immigrants and babies with ginger hair didn't go down well at all with the family. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he told the happy couple not to drive home via the Blackwall Tunnel, and he was asked politely by a large security guard to pick up his broken teeth, smashed beer glass and to Brexit via the back door.

Bye now!

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