Friday, 26 February 2016

Local news from Manchester, UK . . . .

More news about the the trees being proposed for Prestwich village, which is a small suburb of Manchester not far from Blackburn, but thankfully for residents, inconveniently far enough away that people in Prestwich can easily avoid it.

My contact in Bury Council (Sir Frederik Scuttle OBE DipEd PhD SFA WTF) informs me that their HR department invited famous hypnotist Paul McKenna in to the Council last week to provide "training" for union members, Green Party members and various green welly warriors, all of whom eat organic cardboard, recycle their bicycles and own allotments so far from home they have to drive in their often smoke-belching MOT-failures to get there. For reference, here is a picture of one of the "trees" they now "believe" are being planted. All potentially in the ground.

And for those thinking of taking a cycle path through Prestwich. Take care! Be afraid. Be very afraid. You will find them and they will kill you. These are in fact "psyche o'paths", eponymously named after the engineer from Limerick who installed them. Although reasonably fine in construction, they point in completely random directions bearing no relation to either the origin you've cycled from or the destination you are wishing to cycle to!

There are two such signs (not those featured here) on Whittaker Lane alone that Mrs Betty Scrotes of Ostrich Lane followed and ended up in Accrington Stanley, when all she was in fact trying to do was to get to Lidl on Bury New Road to purchase her 5 a day at 39p each, which is astonishingly cheap for alcopops.

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