Skip to main content

2015 BUDGET NEWS

The up and coming budget, which I know has you all riveted with excitement (rumour has it rivets will be subject to a RAT [Riveting Added Tax] of 23% seeing as they are running out of things to tax), is actually the first Conservative budget for almost 19 years.
Here are some other spoilers:

  • ITVbe will be subject to a BTT (Bad Taste Tax) of 14%, or if the Kardashians are featured in any programmes, the tax will be increased to 19%
  • A new rate of 0% corporation tax is being introduced for the first time for Amazon, Apple, ebay, Boots, PayPal, Uber, One Direction and er . . . . oh sorry, silly me . . . . they already don't pay any corporation tax in the UK
  • Trees fall into the income tax net for the first time, along with daffodils and small yappy dogs such as Jack Russells
  • To ease the strain on the NHS, Euthanasia, which is being made compulsory for the over 90's and all residents of Birkenhead, will be subject to a tax of 40%
  • Inheritance Tax is being abolished. Instead, when you pass over to the other side/meet your 72 Virgins/get scattered at sea, any remaining money in your bank account automatically passes to the Treasury
  • All the wholesale shops near Strangeways in Manchester will be subject to an FAT (Fakers Added Tax) of 35%. It is anticipated this could raise over £17billion annually, enough for the Government to waste even more money on PFI deals, consultants and White Dee from Benefits' Street.
  • Student Loans are being taxed at 14%, which means the Treasury will see a return on investment of at least £3 by 2035
  • The rate of forecourt VAT, duty and miscellaneous sales tax is being increased by 12%, which means that for every £1 you spend on fuel for your car, the Treasury will get £1.07
  • It is anticipated the introduction of the new FFT (Fast Food Tax) and DFFT (Deep Fried Food Tax) will adversely affect the living standards of people in Glasgow
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pirate Bay threatened with closure - doesn't affect me

Swedish file sharing website The Pirate Bay is now under threat following legal action by the British Phonographic Industry last December. They alleged that the website "infringes copyright on a massive scale” regarding the sharing of computer games, software, films and music. Point taken, and one can't for one minute deny that copyright is being infringed on quite a massive scale, not just on Pirate Bay, but all around the internet. However, with due respect to the originators of the shared files, I have never used Pirate Bay myself, except perhaps on very odd occasions for software, films and music. I never use Pirate Bay for software, because I prefer to pay an outlandish price for another seemingly pointless update to Microsoft Office that neither improves my speed nor productivity. And I am quite happy to part with hard earned cash to a company that has already earned a fortune from me - and others - with their updates over the years. And as for the recent update of Pho...
Post a Comment
Read more

Airport amusement

There is no doubt that airports can be quite amusing places. That is apart from being told by a burly security supervisor at the x-ray gate that thanks to the only contribution Yasser Arafat ever made to society, I had to remove my belt, shoes, watch and place my AK-47 in the tray provided. Watching people going around their travel ‘business’ in airports and on board the aircraft is hilarious. There are those who are plainly not very good at it, continually checking all manner of minutiae with the other members of the party. “Do we go to the gate?”, “Have we time for a beer?”, “I MUST get a pizza”. There are those who have plainly not done it much before and like their fellow travellers to be made fully aware of the exact opposite, as they point and gesture to the monitor shouting out their destination and boarding gate at every passing opportunity to one and all around them. There are those who think they are something special – despite the fact they are travelling via bu...
Post a Comment
Read more

Are Camelot dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy?

There can be no denying that UK lottery operators Camelot are on to a good thing. Especially the overpaid management. They have been reaping the benefits of the franchise for years now - a franchise that in essence, has been licenced by the government to print money. However, I can't quite make up my mind whether the management of the Lotto are dim, dysfunctional, liars or just plain greedy, although the cynic in me answers the question when I consider the chief Executive of Camelot was complaining last year that the annual bonus on her not inconsiderable 7-figure salary had been reduced (conveniently forgetting her 18 year sojourn to date at Camelot has produced a pension we mere mortals can only dream about. How about the poor soldiers, CEO Dianne Thompson, who come back from the far-east minus a leg and have to legally fight for compensation that doesn't even touch what you earn less than a month? And they don't receive CBE's for their troubles either !). Irres...
Post a Comment
Read more