Skip to main content

Hooray. Hooray. It's a jihadiholiday

Very depressing news. It would appear that some of the "uneducated masses" who have flocked to Syria on a 'Jihadiholiday' are less than impressed with the brutality of the IS regime and its management.

Leaving behind good honest regular meals such as Chicken Cottage and Subway (Halal) in favour of sweet and sour gravel and camel dung au lait is not going down too well.

Also, not being allowed to glue to facebook, instagram and twitter (there's the thing to do - bomb the region's phone masts into oblivion) 24 hours a day in favour of praising the local kebab shop Alah's Akbar is really not going down too well at all.

Plus, not being allowed lippie, having to wear a black bin-bag 24/7 and the only available TV being "Stars in their Semtex" , "The only way is Sharia", "Breaking Backs" and "I'm an Ayatollah get me out of here" is slightly aggravating some of the nice young female suicide bombers who miss EastEnders, Coronation Street and Open University courses on 'Jihadism for Dummies'.

Well, all I can say is they should have read Trip Advisor more closely.

Looked for the kite mark or the Michelin or AA reviews.

Or even checked that their camel hut and bombed-out building carried a recognised ISO standard.

And that their IS senior team is trained to the highest standards of people management.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The "Win a Million" free scratch card newspaper inserts

One of those three-panel "Win a Million" scratchcards fell out of my newspaper this morning. Not a major or in anyway newsworthy event in itself, but I must admit my surprise. I didn't think anyone bothered with them anymore, or, to be a little more technical, I didn't think anyone was taken in by them anymore. Firstly, it actually is printed on the bottom of each panel that "Every card has a set of 3 matching symbols, 2 matching symbols and no matching symbols". Right, so you are going to 'win', half-win and not win respectively. Then, while the prize list is somewhat impressive with 1x£1m, 1x£100k, 2x£20k, 3x£10k and other things like holidays, tablet PC's city breaks all the way down to 1000 "faux" fashion watches, 1000 salon  makeovers and 1000xVIP Thames cruises. Now should I be stupid enough to spend the £1.53 a minute for the 6 minute phone call to claim my prize (that's almost a tenner, for those of you without cal...

Chancellor's letter of apology to Bob Diamond of Barclays

Thanks to my contacts at the new News International business "Phonetaps'R'Us", I was exclusively sent a copy of a letter sent to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, Bob Diamond, from the Chancellor yesterday. "Dear Bob Trusting you and yours are well. Listen mate. Sorry the F inancially S tupid A sses wrote to your bank yesterday to demand £290million as a fine. It's nothing personal, and just because your bank head office people are a bunch of dishonest, thieving bastards, I thought there was no reason to carry on that way and fine you. I made this clear to the FSA yesterday as soon as I heard the news. I told them that the taxpayer would have been more than happy to bail you out. And also. Look mate. Sorry you've had to give up your bonus this year. It must have come as quite a shock, and was a wonderful thing for you to volunteer to do. I only hope you've put something by from the £17million you received last year. No doubt the bank pay...

"Q". My name is Bond. Oh. not THAT Q.

I was sent a story today by a friend who knows my feelings on the subject - that is, about one of the consummately greatest of all British activities, namely, queuing. It seems some Danish Professor or other has come up with the theory that those who queue the longest should actually be served the last. He claims it makes purchasing something altogether more efficient and smooth through the idea of 'contra-queuing' (whatever the devil that may mean). 'Serve the people at the back of the queue first', he says, with profound wisdom. Altogether very professorial, albeit demonstrating a somewhat keen lack of understanding of the purchasing psyche. The Nobel Prize-chasing Prof suggests that if, for example, a popular entertainment act was to announce a tour, with tickets going on sale at 11am one morning, using the theory of 'contra-queuing', no one will want to be first to buy said tickets. So no one will turn up 14 months in advance and venues will...