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New patron saints announced by the Vatican

The Vatican have just announced a brace of new patron saints:

St Hopeless - patron saint of English cricket
St Greed - patron saint of banking/privatised industry chief executives
St Amazon - patron saint of tax avoidance (very close runners included St eBay, St PayPal, St Apple, St Vodafone and St Yorkshirewater
St Laurelhardy - patron saint of railway ticket pricing
St Cashcow - patron saint of car parking run by councils
St Nochance - patron saint of lottery players
St Alcapone - patron saint of payday loan companies
St Braindead - patron saint of tattooed and/or tongue-pierced women
St Irritate - patron saint of X-Factor groups/'bands'
St Parasite - patron saint of accident and health claim companies
St Ripoff - patron saint of concert/event ticket vendors
St Unecessary - patron saint of 4x4 car drivers who have never driven further than Sainsbury's or the school run
St Gormless - patron saint of Big Brother TV programme
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