The Grumpy Old Blog

The Vatican have just announced a brace of new patron saints: St Hopeless - patron saint of English cricket St Greed - patron saint of banking/privatised industry chief executives St Amazon - patron saint of tax avoidance (very close runners included St eBay, St PayPal, St Apple, St Vodafone and St Yorkshirewater St Laurelhardy - patron saint of railway ticket pricing St Cashcow - patron saint of car parking run by councils St Nochance - patron saint of lottery players St Alcapone - patro n saint of payday loan companies St Braindead - patron saint of tattooed and/or tongue-pierced women St Irritate - patron saint of X-Factor groups/'bands' St Parasite - patron saint of accident and health claim companies St Ripoff - patron saint of concert/event ticket vendors St Unecessary - patron saint of 4x4 car drivers who have never driven further than Sainsbury's or the school run St Gormless - patron saint of Big Brother TV programme

Right. It's just under a month into the new year - how much boardroom bullshit have you been subjected to by your clatter of under-qualified managers who are consistently over-remunerated for incredibly poor performance?: Going forward – loose, meaningless and overused To ' Action ' something - how about simply 'doing' it? Touch base - about as meaningful as ‘let's do lunch’ Circle back - to catch up later Blu e-sky thinking – like 'thinking outside the box' they both translate as 'doing your job' Brainstorm – just like 'thought showers', totally meaningless Low hanging fruit - means nothing, as no one knows what tasks are actually being referred to Get the ball rolling - simply means 'begin' Drill down - not, as one might think, anything to do with heavy machinery End of play - curious strain of kiddy-talk in bureaucratese Deliverables – the postman always rings twice, especially with your e-bay parcel Iss...