The Grumpy Old Blog

I was sent a story today by a friend who knows my feelings on the subject - that is, about one of the consummately greatest of all British activities, namely, queuing. It seems some Danish Professor or other has come up with the theory that those who queue the longest should actually be served the last. He claims it makes purchasing something altogether more efficient and smooth through the idea of 'contra-queuing' (whatever the devil that may mean). 'Serve the people at the back of the queue first', he says, with profound wisdom. Altogether very professorial, albeit demonstrating a somewhat keen lack of understanding of the purchasing psyche. The Nobel Prize-chasing Prof suggests that if, for example, a popular entertainment act was to announce a tour, with tickets going on sale at 11am one morning, using the theory of 'contra-queuing', no one will want to be first to buy said tickets. So no one will turn up 14 months in advance and venues will...

I went to Ikea (pronounced Ick-yar by the Sarf Manchester bleached/purchased teeth community in their efforts to try and keep up with the new advertisement pronunciation). My son required a wardrobe, although why he can't sleep in a bed like other computer science students is beyond me. I also wanted a sofa to match my eyes, but Ick-yar don't do bloodshot. A N Y W A Y . . . Saturday is NOT the best day to head to Ick-yar Ashton-under-Lyne, not that any day is necessarily the best day to head to Ashton-under-Lyne. By the way; to those of you living in a country that doesn't have an Ashton-under-Lyne (a conurbation within Greater Manchester in the north of England), believe me, you are not missing anything. Absolute mayhem, with fighting, cursing  and blood-letting over trolleys, and that was just the staff. Now. Some questions for the more regular (must be the fibre)  Ick-yar visitors. 1. Why do people who are buying large items of furniture reverse into parking...